Forlorn~m.c

1

One year. It's been approximately one year since Luke jumped the bridge. It's been 365 days without my bestfriend, my rock, my strength. There hasn't been one night that was spent not crying, there hasn't been one day that I didn't sit on the same exact bridge that he leaped from. I've been a mess ever since that night, scars lined themselves up on my arms and hips. It's been 364 days since I last smiled or laughed, 260 since I last talked. What was the point of talking, if I couldn't talk to Luke?

Luke was my sunshine, my moonlight. We were there for each other when nobody else was, we were best friends ever since we were young. I promised him I would stay strong, for him, but not for me. 

Over the past year, there has been days where I've placed a loaded gun to my temple, but never pulled the trigger. Hours where I cried, hoping I'd dehydrate and pass out, then never wake up. Times where I put those pills in my mouth, but never gained the courage to swallow them. 

"Michael, honey, you need to take your pills before you go to school." my mum hands me three tablets. One for anxiety, one for depression, and one for mood swings. I pop the pills in my mouth, and wash them down with my bottle of water. "Are you ever going to talk to me again, Michael? I understand you're upset, but I miss hearing your voice. It's been nearly five months since I've heard my baby's voice." she stares into my eyes, and it breaks my broken heart as I shake my head. 

"Michael! You have to talk sometime or another!" her anger is visible in her eyes, I just look at her, not responding. "Fine, don't talk. Go to school." one tear rolls down her pale cheeks, "Luke was like a son to me, but I'm still talking." she throws her arms up in anger and walks out. 

Luke wasn't there for her, when she thought the only option to escaping the world was to die. Luke took the easy way out, leaving me to suffer, not that I blame him. If I could trade places with Luke, I would in a heartbeat. Luke had so much to live for, as for me; I have nobody.

I pull my signature hooded sweatshirt over my dark purple hair, and stuff my hands in the pockets. With five minutes to spare, I run to the bus stop, waiting for the transportation to hell to arrive. 

Five minutes pass and I walk onto the bus, taking my usual seat in the very front. I take out my headphones, playing my "I miss you" playlist that I dedicated to Luke. The first song that plays is 'Iris by Sleeping With Sirens'. I bury my face into my sweater paws, allowing the tears to fall secretly, 'And all I can taste is this moment, and all I can breathe is your life, cause sooner or later it's over, i just don't want to miss you tonight' is when the tears really fall. 

Afraid that somebody is going to know I'm crying, I switch the song. Just as 'Broken by Seether' plays, somebody taps my shoulder. I reveal my, probably, red face to the girl who tapped my shoulder. "Michael we're here." she gives me a sympathetic smile, possibly knowing why I'm bawling. I give her a simple nod, and wrap up my ear buds around my phone. 

Patiently waiting for everybody to pass, I wipe away the access tears from my green eyes. Once every one is off of the bus, I hop down the steps and quickly make my way into the hellhole. I pass the group of populars, nerds, outcasts, and wanna-be's on the way to my locker; Luke and I never fit into any of those catergories, and we didn't care. 

We were labeled the suicidal freaks, even though I never brought a razor upon my skin until that night. I weave through the crowded halls to my locker, dialling my combo, and grabbing my books for Maths; Luke's favorite subject. 

Sometimes I want to push myself to talk, but I'm afraid. Stupid right? I'm afraid to talk, all because my best friend killed himself. For these past 260 days, I have chewed bite marks on my tongue from everything I didn't say.