I wouldn't say my depression has gotten worse. If anything, it's gotten better. I'm not healthy. Not physically or mentally/emotionally. My social health is really the only healthy thing about my life right now. I'm not here to talk about that though. There is something I want to get off of my chest. Something I just recently discovered.
I feel numb. I wake up, get ready for school, and go to school. At school I feel. At school I can feel happy I did something and mad because I was misgendered again and jealous because I can't bring my girlfriend to homecoming with me. I laugh with my friends. I do my work. I even have some after school clubs I go to. But then I go home. I lose my appetite, I lose my emotion, and I lose my energy. And I feel like crying. I don't understand it.
Home is where the heart is. You're supposed to want to go home. Because at home you're supposed to have a loving family. And I do. But, I don't want to go home. Entering through the front door makes me different. I lose my pep. My drive. And all because I enter the place I'm supposed to be more happy. I feel sad at home.
At home I notice all of my flaws. That isn't supposed to happen. At home I'm supposed to feel comfortable with who I am. But I don't. I dont understand. If anybody is reading this, anybody at all, please help me understand what this feeling is.
