it's been a few years since i've written in this little "diary" here, i am now sixteen. i know most of this book has just been really dumb shit, but i didn't know how to express myself/ my words. i am currently taking medication for depression and anxiety and so far it's been a journey, a rough one at least. it's been at least two years since i've been on wattpad, and there's been a lot that has happened. in 2019, especially. in july i lost both grandfathers to cancer and a best friend to suicide. i also lost my dog, who was about fourteen years old. i have gone through many phases in my life. first of all, a screamo/metal head, emo, and obsessed with kpop. but i've been re-listening to ptv and bvb and i feel like a better person seeing as i've lived through some crazy experiences these last few years, i've finally lost my virginity, in september of 2019. honestly i don't really regret it. it's not a big deal anyways. but i see now looking back at it that my boyfriend at the time (who was 18-19 talk about catching a case) was somewhat using me, as if i was his bootycall or something. honestly i just feel like an object, thanks to my father and my grandmother. they say that i shouldn't fight it, that if a guy tries to hurt me i shouldn't fight it, and i bring up the argument of if someone tries to kidnap or rape me then i won't fight it. i know it sounds terrible and i know it is really terrible but the lesson that they want me to learn is really fucked up. my older brother said that if i let my future husband or boyfriend hurt me that he would come and hurt him then me for being a dumbass. how fucked is that?
YOU ARE READING
why?
Non-FictionI ask this all the time. why and I like this? why am I here? this is my story, or at least some of it. i'd like to use this as an outlet for me instead of bottling my emotions like how i am used to.
