Schizophrenia

Chapter 1 :

Hi guys ! I'm knew at this, and also I'm not English. So my writing is not great sorry ! I will try my best that's for sure.
anyway this is the first chapter, of my first book I actually publish ! Yipee ! Seriously this is a big deal for me, so when I saw I had 1 read I literally did a happy dance :-)
I thought my chapter was pretty long, but once it's up it doesn't really look like much. I'll certainly work on that.
If you want to talk (about the book or not) don't be shy I'm open to all sorts of conversations !
If you could vote or comment that would be amaze balls !
love you XX

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Down the line - José Gonzàlez

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Fuck you !

"Shut up would you? she didn't do anything wrong!"

She stamped your toe.

"But she said sorry, and you can't really avoid getting bruised when there is a big packed queue like this one.."

You are too nice to people... you don't give yourself enough credit...

"That's not true.."

Of course it is! you're just too nice, to see it !

"Maybe you're right.."

I know I am.

In that moment, my head was hurting like crazy I looked around and saw all these people, on their smart phones or talking in an ear piece which looked funny... It looked like they were like me... With someone else in their heads... I wonder how- a knife stabbing pain went throw my big toe on my right foot, and that little voices screamed in my head;

punch her.

Before even realizing what I was doing my fist contacted with her jaw line, and she fell to the floor, the voices in my head were wooping and cheering singing go tris ! go tris ! my head was hurting so bad and before my brain could even function again, I was slammed to the floor and everything went black.

FLASHBACK

She was laying there shaking like something diabolical had consumed her body, my eyes drifted to my red stained fingers then at her and my hands again not fully realizing what I had done, I stood up when I heard a knock at the door, I ran to the peep hole to see who it was, as I got closer I tried to think of what I would do if it was the police would I jump out the window? or maybe kill them too ?

kill them, kill them all.

I looked around looking for th  source if that voice, but when I realised where it came from all hope left me.

" You fucking piece of shit ! You lied to me ! you said that if I killed her you would release me, but you didn't ! you lied, again ! I thought I would be free, so I killed her ! I killed my mother... "

END OF FLASHBACK

I woke up to a white tunnel, long and narrow. Could this be? Could I have finally made it to heaven? as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I could see movement but it was just a blur, I started hearing voices all in a big mumble, they weren't the usual ones in my head but real voices, I blinked a couple of times to get my vision back, and soon everything became clearer, I was in a hospital bed because I had punched a girl in the face and then got knocked down on the floor on my head.

You fat shit.

Great. The voice is still here as well.

I turned my head towards one of these weird cloak people, and somehow asked if I could get up and go to the toilets. I didn't wait to see the response and just got up, I walked to the toilets and locked myself in there. I went to stand in front of the mirror without looking at myself, this was one of the rules from the voices.

don't even dare.

"one little look can't hurt..."

do it at your own risk....

even though I knew the consequences, I just couldn't stop myself and before I knew it  I was starring into my own eyes.

I was starring at this ugly girl, I had blue eyes they used to be full of life, but now they're just a faded blue, I have plump red lips that are now chapped, my hair looks like it hasn't been brushed for years, which is probably the case... my clothes are dirty and stinky. how did this happen to me, I'm only 19 and I've already given up on life, in everything.

cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.

"please..."

cut, cut, cut, cut cut.

the word was getting louder and without knowing I was picking up the top of the toilet, and throwing it at the mirror, the mirror fell into a million pieces of glass, I heard thumping and banging at the door but I just ignored it I picked up a piece of glass, brought it too my wrist on my left hand and placed the sharp bit on my biggest vein.

cut ! cut ! cut !

the voices were screaming now.

more thumping.

banging.

cut ! cut ! cut !

bang.

thump.

cut !

bang.

thump.

the first drop of blood hit the floor.

I screamed, I screamed like my life depended on it, I screamed for my mum, for myself, for the voices.

scream louder, cut further.

I did what they said, what was the point of fighting now? I slid the piece of glass further into my skin, and blood slipped out at an alarming rate, I let out a couple of tears from my eyes, but  not a lot otherwise the voices will think I regret this, and make me do it longer.

bang.

thump.

you will not look at yourself again.

"Yes ! ok !" another tear falling to the floor.

why will you not.

"Because you said so !" I said screaming.

no. what's the ultimate reason.

"I DON'T KNOW ! "

Because you  ugly, and fat.

"Ok."
say it !

" I'm ugly and fat ! "

nobody will ever want you.

"Nobody ever did."

bang.

thump.

suddenly the door burst open, doctors nurses rushed to me and lifted me up, one of them tried to rip the glass out my hand but all I did was scream. they put me on the bed again, and a nurse came with a needle and planted it in my arm, I screamed one last time, the voices screamed one last time, and before going black I managed to say one last meaningless word.
"Nobody"