The Poppy Field

Chapter 21

For the next few weeks I lived an almost robotic life, so structured and plain with very little human contact. I didn't mind, it was just like I'd loved before the accident. The main difference was that I had spoken to my mum a couple of times, but by this point in my life I had become an excellent liar and so I divulged very little information to her, diverting the questions from my job, or Ben, to something else. She didn't seem suspicious, but then again, she'd been absent from my life for so long that she didn't really have the right to be.

I was now trying to not allow myself to feel anything. It was the only way that I could get out of bed in the morning. Without the anger, the sadness and the fear of everyday life, it seemed bearable and I was able to carry on living as if I didn't have a care in the world. I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to keep this charade up. A small part of me secretly hoped that I could keep this up forever, but I knew that wasn't realistic.

I hadn't had a single message from Ben, although I hadn't expected it and I had no idea what I would say to him if he did try to contact me so it was probably for the best.

I set off for work that day, the same as I had every other day this week. I wore the same plain grey clothes, with the same blank expression on my face as I drove down the same plain grey streets to the plain grey office. Feeling as if all the colour had been drained out of my life.

'Poppy!' A voice shouted, intercepting me on my way to the office.

'Kara,' I spun around to see her frantically calling after me, running across the street and narrowly avoiding a taxi in her haste. 'What are you doing here?' I asked.

'I've been trying to contact you all week but your phone keeps going to voicemail. What the hell is going on with you? What about our case?'

'I'm sorry,' I replied. 'But I don't think I'm going to be able to continue with the case.'

'You what?' She shouted at me.

'I have so much going on at work at the moment and it's all getting a bit much for me, maybe you'll find someone else to take your case.'

'Do you not remember how we started working together?' She shouted at me, an expression that showed she clearly thought I was some kind of idiot. Perhaps I was. 'Nobody else will take this case, nobody else believes that it will win. Nobody except you. We're in this together Poppy. It's not just about me anymore, this case if for both of us.'

'I don't have a case,' I said. I didn't feel disappointed when I said that. I'd come to terms with it and it didn't bother me anymore. I had a job, after all, and it still paid pretty well, there was no reason to throw all that away. 'Even if I did, I wouldn't press charges. I'm fine.'

'Well I'm not,' she shouted at me. 'You can't give up now, we've come so far.'

'I'm sorry but I have to go now,' I replied, pulling my bag further onto my shoulder.

'How can you just sit back and let them win?' She whispered and her face cracked. She didn't cry, she managed to keep it together but I could tell that she wasn't as strong as she was acting. 'How can you let them get away with this?' She repeated, the question running through my head as I tried to think of an excuse for why I was giving up. But the truth was, there wasn't a real excuse. I was just too much of a coward and didn't think I would be able to fight anymore.

'I'm not letting him win,' I tried, but she wasn't having any of it, shaking her head at me in disappointment. 'I just don't think I can put myself up against him when I know that we can't win.'

'What about me?' She demanded. 'Do you care at all about what I think? Do you think I'm thrilled about having to go up there in front of everyone, knowing fine well what they're going to think of me? It is the last thing that I want to do, but I'm prepared to do it, for the case. I thought we were in this together.' She said, her voice quieting to almost a whisper.