Going Nowhere

Chapter 19 - Artificial happiness

I'd been ready to go straight to the Grand Wiz and give him a piece of my mind. Grandma Hazel had been right there with me. Joel and Elsa had jumped in the backseat of the pink vehicle, and one of my brothers crawled into the trunk.

Dad and Jackson placed themselves in front of the car and wouldn't move even when I hit the gas pedal all the way to the floor. Dirt and gravel spewed behind the car and onto the porch which made Janie growl, something no one heard because of the rumble from Grandma Hazel's old monster of a vehicle and the roars from the seriously pissed off wolves who had placed their hands on the hood to hold us in place.

I jumped out of the car, and for the first time in my life, I wished I could shift into a wolf. I wished this mostly because when I jumped out of said car, Jackson changed and oh, my, God, he was gorgeous. A huge, gray timber wolf suddenly stood in front of me, baring his teeth and growling softly. All I could think of was running off into the woods with him and never come back to civilization again. Unless someone lured me back with a batch of cookie dough.

"Okay," Rafael said calmly. "Why doesn't everyone just calm –"

Snapping, sharp teeth missed him with two inches, and then an incredibly angry angel charged at the timber wolf. I was pretty sure one of them would get himself killed, although I wasn't sure which one, and was about to jump into the fray when a loud, shrieking whinny and the thumps of heavy hooves echoed.

Everyone froze.

Elsa had changed too, apparently.

The big, white unicorn moved restlessly around the yard, snorting and stomping. When no one moved, she raised her head proudly and glared at the crowd. Her tail made a wide, graceful sweep and then she farted loudly, spreading glitter and unicorn-dust all over the flower beds. A soothing scent of grapefruit washed over us with the soft breeze.

Everyone promptly did what everyone always did when inhaling unicorn fart; Calmed down and smiled gently. Elsa whinnied again and changed back.

"You can get up now," she said, and since there was laughter in her voice, I looked at what she looked at.

Jackson had changed back too, and Rafael was on top of him, holding a strong arm around his neck in a way that looked weirdly amorous. I was pretty sure it wasn't, though, and the subsequent man-squeal confirmed my suspicion. They got up on their feet so fast it was a blur and glared at each other.

"Kitty," Dad barked. "Porch. Now."

Okay. That was the dad-voice of all dad-voices, and I decided that it would be in my best interest to obey, so I walked up on the porch, sat down and watched the crowd in front of me.

"What?" I asked breezily because this time, it had so not been my fault.

Dad disagreed.

Then he explained in great detail how accusing a wizard of anything without actually having proof of the misdemeanor would get me killed, something which he at that stage informed me sounded like it wouldn't be too bad. Jackson made a scoffing sound and was promptly ordered to visit the bordellos in question to obtain witness statements. Joel didn't stop his laughter in time and was ordered to accompany Jack on his visits. Rafael smiled smugly and was told that his job was to keep me out of trouble until the statements were filed correctly, and if anything happened to me, then my father had no objections to filling a pie with stew made from angel-kidneys. He added that he would decorate this culinary masterpiece with angel-eyeballs or any kind of angel-balls at his disposal.

Rafael winced.

"Dad," I whispered.

"What?" he snarled.