My Everything

006/I Hate You

ᏞᎬᏞᎪNᏆ

Ever since that day Stokely kinda just blew me off.. I didn't know if I did something to piss him off or what..

"Lelani, can u go the store to pick up my medication?" My drunken mother said.

I shrugged. "I guess". 
I put on a simple outfit with my hair in a ponytail.
I grabbed my jacket and headed out the door, it was drizzling meaning light rain.

I took a shortcut by walking through a alleyway, I was on the bad side of town, all you heard was gunshots and people arguing, probably over some dumb shit.

I saw a group of people in front of me standing at the corner by the drugstore, I didn't recognize them, they all had hoods on top of their head, it was one girl though, she was boo'd up with some dude in the group, he looked really familiar but I couldn't really see.

As I got closer to the drugstore, I saw that it was stokely, but he was looking right at me, felt like he was staring into my soul, till I seen him lock lips with the girl on him, I broke...I hurried inside the drugstore and went to the counter to get my mom's prescription. I put my hood over my head and hurried out the store.

I couldn't help but to shed a few tears on the way home, I was so broken, how could he do that to me?. I thought he liked me? Was it me, am I ugly? What does she have that I don't?? I was tired of getting hurt all the time, I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of sitting in bed everyday waiting for something good to happen.

I feel pain, and it hurts so bad, i just want to be loved.
But I cant.. she messed that up for me..
It's like a repeat of my life...instead he's hurting me now.
When is the end gonna come, fucking when?
Maybe I'll just have to end it myself....

I walked in the house and locked the front door, to notice my mother was still sleep on the couch, by now I was crying a goddamn waterfall. I put the medicine beside her on the coffee table and gave her a kiss on the cheek, I love you I whispered.

She groaned and turned over.  I got a piece of paper and left it on the table for her, my sucide note.

I dragged myself to my room and walked over to my closet pulling a old shoe box that contained all my blades, pills, poems, and notes.

(Listen to the song in mm for the rest of the chapter and if you have to put that shit on replay then do it)

I grabbed the blade and slowly dragged the blade across my wrist making a deep cut,  I watched as the blood dropped off my arm, I went to my other wrists and made another deep cut, I went to my thighs and did the same. I was slowly slipping out of consciousness, i remember crying hard, that's when everything went black.

ᏚᎢᎾKᎬᏞY

After I seen Lelani, I was so guilty, I liked her, I really did, but I was scared, scared to get hurt again... I saw her run out the store, her eyes were puffy and red, I was hurt, it hurt, I didn't want to be reason why she was crying, she was my everything. It tore me apart, before I could run after her, Aya pulled me back, kissing me. I pushed her away "leave aya, now please" I said.

"Why stokes, is it that bitch again?."

"She's not a bitch, leave me alone, don't ever fucking talk to me, just go, the thought of you makes me sick"

"Whatever, I got other niggas on my line" she said.

I didn't give a flying fuck, she gone catch aids, tbh her pussy ain't that good, it takes like soggy saltine crackers, and that shit loose asf.

I ran after Lelani but she had already closed her door, I heard the lock click.
I'm such a dumbass, she means the world to me.
She's the missing piece to my puzzle, and I've been looking for it, for her, for a very long time and I'd be damn if I let someone take her away from me..

I FUCKING LOVE LELANI ❤️

I grabbed a Bobby pin out my pocket and shit don't even ask why, that shit comes in handy sometimes 😂. I started to pick at the lock and it only took 5 minutes but to me that shit took infinity. I pushed open the door and called for her.

" LELANIII" I yelled.
No response, I know for a fact I'm not high so I can't be tripping
"LELANI" I yelled again.
Still no response. I seen a note on the coffee table besides her mother, I read it..

I'm sorry

I feel like there was no end
So I'm doing this...
I wanted your love, his love, I want you back.
I've been broken for so long.
Don't be sad, I never had much attention
So don't give me none now
It's not your fault
It's mine
I never existed
I wanted to be saved, but I was captured by the sweet lies telling me that everything was gonna be alright.
I wanted love but I never got it, so I guess you hate me, and I can never get that thought out my head.
I wanted to be fixed, but instead I broke and you swept me up and threw me away.
Now..I want to die, so I'm committing suicide.
Bye... I could never crack the code.. now you'll know why

Maybe in your heart, you'll forgive me if you haven't forgotten about me already ~Lelani

I ran all throughout the house looking for hurt, my heart ached from crying, I never did this for anybody except my bro, Jah and my momma, even though she did me dirty coming up., but she did what she had to do y'know, it's hard as it is as a single mother without any help from the nigga who put the seed inside you in the first place.

I ran into a room only to wish that I could unsee what I just saw... it was Lelani, I shattered... I took my phone out and called 911 shaking her "babyyyy, wake up, wake up, stay with me, don't leave me, I fucking love you" finally the line connected.

"......911, what's your emergency?"

(HEYYYYYY ❤️💕💕💕, I'm updating a lot more now on all my books )