I stumbled across the question: "What are you most afraid of?". And I thought I should write an answer because it is an interesting question. Afterwards I realised I wrote a love letter to friendship. Here it is:
What I am mainly and mostly afraid of is being lonely. Having no friends or family left. Just being on my own. No one to talk to. No one to meet with. No one to share my day with. No one that takes care of me or comes to me when they need help. No one to laugh with. No one I can cry in front of. No one that holds me together when I'm about to fall apart. No one I can share my passion for books and movies with. No one I can go crazy and fangirl with. Not seeing the light in someones face when they tell me about something that excites them. No love to give or receive. No late night conversations or drunken nights. No one saving me from boredom. No one I can tell they looked pretty in their outfit the other day. No excitement when receiving a text from someone I waited for. No hours long phone calls after something bad or good happened. No one checking on me when I feel down again. No one talking me into good or out of bad decisions. No one telling me that I am loveable. No one I can goof around with. No one that I can share my stupid humor with. No one I can try out new things with and find out they are stupid afterwards. No one that makes me smile in the most inappropriate situations. No hugs. No smile one someones face when we both thought of the same thing in the same moment. No laughing until our tummys hurt. No one I can annoy in a cute way for the sake of seeing their smile. No one saying 'you're stupid', 'I hate you', 'Why do I know you' and meaning 'I love you' with all of that. No happy tears when sharing a meaningful moment together. No laying on the floor with a pillow on my tummy talking about what I feel. No one to sing the wrong the lyrics at the top of our lungs with. No birthday partys. No little presents when I thought about you again. No one to talk about how scary the future is with. No 'I believe in you, you can do it'. No one I can discuss the infinity of our universe with. No one I can share my true feelings with, without being judged. No one I can stupidly fall in love with. No one pushing me over the edge when I am too afraid to make the step alone. No one holding my hand when I am at my lowest. No one I can tell "I love you and I'd be lost without you". Because I am lost.
