It, This, That, Him, Her, and Whatever Else

Her

I've learned people don't tend to care about your feelings unless they deeply include that person. The only person to possibly even attempt to care would be a best friend. That's where my sanity falls. People will come and go out of my life, affecting me more than anyone would notice. The people who stay are merely nothing or too close to be good.

Take for instance, my mother. Someone who can switch up in a minute. I thought after a few years of being with her, I'd catch onto her drunken routine. Like how to tell when she's in an okay mood or when it's not a good time. In her mind, my niece and I are demons. Literal demons. Not the name you would joke and call your child after they rip your hair out. She thinks we're out to get her. We're the reasons she begs to die each day, supposedly. I can't simply be the only one that's been called a bitch, motherfucker, cocksucker, and anything within those lines, by their mother right? Or my favorite: degenerate? Now don't get me wrong, my mom can be a mom, but I don't expect much comfort from her. She's a serpent. 

God I miss when I was younger. I'm not saying that because up to age 3, I never really saw my mom. Maybe at Christmas, but that's it. I miss when she'd hug me, tell me how she loved me, and actually tried to be a mother. She never complained about her life and how we made her want to die. Back then, she didn't disown me during our arguments. In fact, there weren't any. Maybe this will all blow over when I'm older but I'm concerned about her health. Mental and physical. I love her. I swear I do. But I'm so fucked up in my head. I need an escape from life before I let life escape me.

Well, that's pretty much it. If I had a friend, maybe Wattpad wouldn't carry this fucking burden of a life story.