It, This, That, Him, Her, and Whatever Else

Degenerate

Dear degenerate, who has mind fucked me for a year now,

I don't think you truly understand that you were everything. I put aside myself and my emotions just for you. I saw something in you, but turns out that something was a black orb. Meaningless, uncaring, and slightly dangerous.

I'm sure you're broadly aware that you are the reason I hate myself and pray to God that I die. Every. Single. Day. I wish I was as important to you as I thought I was, because the way you described it, you made it seem as you relied on me. But that's obviously not the case.

I don't love you. I think I lost that a while back. For this long, I truly believed I loved you but I have to realize that you're the fire and gasoline, together. Everywhere you go, you burn shit up. And I'm not saying that to say you're still a horrible person. I don't even know you anymore, so it wouldn't be my place to judge the person you are now. 

"They will love the better you
But I still own the ghost of you"

Maybe in 2 years, I'll forgive you and I'll lose all emotions about what happened with us. And I know I said I'll text you after those 2 years, but I don't think I want to. You've got people now and they're affecting your life as it is now. In 2 years, you will have changed and I'll either be dead or still in the same place I'm at, so if we continue talking then, it will shift the atmosphere.

I'm not going to forget and just move on. I can't do that. So just forget me. Remove me from your book and move on with life, like I'm trying to do. You used to tell me I was the reason you were still alive and how I made you smile. But you also told me how I was just a sense of support and that you could go for days, unfazed, without talking to me. Just go.

(P.S. my birthday is coming up but you'd know that huh? )

Goodbye,
Former friend.