Frigid

I shivered rubbing my hands together and blowing on them. I had been out here for 6 hours now in 43 degree Fahrenheit weather. It's not the first time this has happened. It's been happening on and off since I was 10. My mom has a weird system of punishment than other parents. She doesn't ground me or put me in time out. Once she discovered I didn't like going outside, she began to kick me out.

    At first it was spaced out, then it became a reoccuring thing.I'm antisocial so I've never been interested in going outside. I prefer to curl up somewhere quiet and read. One of the worst experiences I've ever had was when I was maybe 11. When she kicks me out she doesn't take much thought to what I'm wearing. Or maybe she just doesn't care. That night I had on a short sleeve shirt and some capri pants-no shoes. It was below 30 degrees and the wind was blowing hard, so the cold immediately set in.

   I was outside sitting in front of the door for 2 hours when I felt my feet burning. The next hour I lost all feeling and warmth. I pulled my arms into my shirt and tucked myself through the hole. I've never been one to cry easily, even when getting beatings and those were frequent. But that night I cried like a baby. I was so cold and she wasn't even home, so I had no idea when she'll be back. Thinking of the hours ahead scared me. I went into hyperthermia and seriously just wished I could die. Living with her the thought was a daily occurrence.   

  That night forever changed my outlook on winter and I've hated the season ever since. During winter I always try to be on my best behavior. I didn't want to make a repeat of that night. But as you can see that didn't work out. There's no making her happy. Almost ever day that winter I was kicked out and I remember that being a record breaker for the coldest winter in a long time. Tonight felt like it was becoming a fast second.

   I bounced my leg to get some warmth in my body before jumping up and walking down the stairs. I could feel the cold even more now that I was standing. I just kept my hands in my light jacket and my scarf wrapped around my mouth. I was grateful I had wore it to school today.

   I walked down the sidewalk at a fast clippeded pace with my head down. Every time the wind blew a little gasp left my mouth. I was walking down the fast food strip and the smell of the food made my dormat stomach growl. The only thing I had to eat today was some fruits and a pizza at lunch. She put me out almost immediately because I was heating up food in the microwave and hadn't cleaned up. It's around 9 pm now and I was starving. I sat down at a bench outside of Taco Bell. I made sure I wasn't too out in the open. I didn't need anyone bothering me or wondering why I was out so late. I ignored the smells of food as much as I could and started sing softly to myself. I didn't have a phone or anything to entertain myself and I needed to stay preoccupied so I couldn't feel the cold or got bored. The worst thing for anyone stuck out in the cold is to be bored. You won't last long. "I spread my wings and I'll know how to fly. I'll do what it takes til I touch the sky." I finished the rest of the song quietly and wracked my brain for something else to sing. Usually when I'm put outside I sing something sad.Better than nothing.

"I lock the door, and turn all the water on. And bury that sound, so no one here's anything anymore." I skipped a good bit of the song and went into the part that always made my heart hurt. " Well sometimes it burns. Baby I'll wash it out. It all looks so big, never mind I don't feel anything. It only hurt a bit and I still feel like shit." I was absently rubbing my scares-scares I did everything I could to hide. They weren't something I'm proud of. But during that time I was put out almost every day and I was just really depressed. I didn't have any real friends, so there was no one to talk to. No one to help me. And then she kept taking everything from me. I caused me to do things I'm not proud of. Two things that I'll take to my grave. "Are you okay?" Asked a deep voice, distinctly male, from somewhere behind me. I jumped and turned around. It was very dark so I couldn't really make out his features, but he was very big. Several inches taller than my 5'2 and had muscles but wasn't too bulky. He reached toward me and I flinched. His finger gently touched under my eye to catch a tear I never knew fell. I cursed myself in my head for my weakness. I couldn't afford to be weak. "I didn't mean to startle you, darlin." He voice was very southern but there was a slight accent I couldn't quite place. It was very sexy, something I've never thought when it came to a man. It made me wonder what the face looked like to match the voice. "I'm fine." I snapped throwing his hand off me. I didn't like men touching me-ever. "Sorry." He removed his hand slowly. "I'm Alexander." "Hmm...interesting." I said rolling my eyes. Just because his voice was sexy didn't mean he wasn't a damn crazy person. He came around to sit in front of me. Le sigh. I guess he couldn't take a hint. "It's really cold tonight. " Alexander said. "I didn't notice. " I said dryly. "And late. You shouldn't be out this late by yourself. " "Thanks for the concern, but I'm fine." He leaned forward and his face had a little more light shining on it. He had light green eyes, with thick dark brows that gave his gaze an intense look. His lips were a soft pretty pink with a full bottom lip. His hair was curly and thick. His skin color was the most fascinating part of him. It was a light caramel brown, similar to a Hispanic skin tone. It made me wonder what his race was. " -if your lost." "I'm not lost. I live close by." I replied snapping out of my daze. The guy was too beautiful for his own good. He nodded. A few seconds later the sound of my grumbling stomach split the air. Cue embarrassment. I had went days without eating before and after a while my stomach didn't growl when I was hungry. This was the worst time for this to happen. Alexander smiled. "Would you like to get something to eat?" More embarrassment. "No. I'm goin home soon, so I'll eat when I get there. " I lied. Though it would have been nice to get something to eat, I didn't know him or what he'll want in return. "Look. I'm not some...creep. I don't want anything in return. Can't I just be a nice guy?" He was looking at me with those intense eyes of his, and I felt myself being sucked in. "I don't know..." "Don't think so hard about it. It's just food." " I don't have any money." If I was white I knew my face would be flushed. I was the color of coffe after you put the cream in. I have very light brown eyes, which are my best feature. My hair was a naturally curly mess that fell past my shoulders. I had my lip and eyebrow pierced too. "Don't worry about it. I have more than enough money." "Okay...if you're sure." I was very hesitant to go anywhere with him. I've always been paranoid meeting new people. "I'm positive. " He smiled at me and stood up, holding out his hand toward me. I took his hand and felt small shocks go through me. What the hell was wrong with me? I've never felt sparks with anyone. Maybe it was static... We started walking the opposite direction from my apartment, which I was grateful for. "Where would you like to go?" Alex asked. "Umm...wherever. I'm not picky." Beggars can't be choosers. "Do you have a favorite food?" "Hot wings." I said immediately. Seriously, best food ever. He scrunched up his face. "What's wrong with hot wings?" "I don't eat meat."