Word Count: 3122
Warnings: death, car accident, coma, suicidal thoughts, almost suicide attempt but not quite, a lot of sad
Cos I'm amazing I uploaded one straight after that is happy so you have that to cheer you up if you read this :)
Dan's POV
I stared at him through the haze of tears and tried to control how I kept breathing in short fast bursts, tried to stop the room from spinning around me as I watched the doctor approach his still form. I was dimly aware of his parents standing next to me and his closest friends filling the room but I was mostly focused on the feeling that everything that was keeping me afloat was being yanked away from me, leaving me to drown in my personal whirlpool of agony with no-one but myself to blame.
*****
"Why?"
The whisper carried across the quiet room easily, and it felt like dozens of knives stabbing through me. I deserved it, but I couldn't help but gasp at the wave of pain as Phil continued to look at me with those infinitely sad eyes.
"It was a mistake, ok? I wasn't thinking and I missed you and it just happened. I regret it so much, Philly and -"
"Don't you dare call me that."
Again, it was only a whisper, but I could easily hear the pain that was laced through it and it was my fault it were there.
I chanced a look up at him and saw the tears threatening to spill over, and dropped my gaze to the floor again.
"Please Phil."
He didn't even pause with his reply, and once he started the words just seemed to pour forth without thought, each one hurting more than the last.
"You have absolutely no right to call me 'Philly', or 'Lion,' or any of the other things you used to call me back when we were still alright. You lost that right the second you decided to cheat on me, apparently 'because you missed me'. How does that make sense Dan? If you missed me you should have called me, not gone out and screwed the first person you saw."
He turned and started to leave, but I launched myself forwards and grabbed his hand to stop him. He yanked it away from me and looked at me with so much pain, and it made my heart crack a little bit more.
"I'm begging you Phil, please don't leave me. We can work it out - it would break me... No it would kill me to lose you. I love you so much. Please."
The tears he'd managed to hold back for so long spilled over, and he opened his mouth slowly, seeming to consider his words carefully. When he finally spoke each word felt like another knife stabbing through me, the way his voice caught and broke only making it worse.
"I don't want to work things out. I don't want to stay with you. I don't care how much this hurts you, because it won't even be a fraction of how much you hurt me."
He walked towards the door again and this time I let him. Right before he reached the door he paused, and turned ever so slightly so he could look me straight in the eyes.
"I hate you."
*****
The doctor picked up the form and handed it to me silently, the parts where I had to sign highlighted with a cross. I felt like I had to read the form, but I already knew what it said and the words were swimming before my eyes making it too hard to decipher what they said. I watched as my hand came down robotically to sign the piece of paper, watched as the ink in the pen formed my signature when I moved the pen across the paper
