damaged | yoonmin

7.

He's waking up too early, it's still dark outside. It's dark but he can still see everything thanks to the bright moonlight. He sees an empty bed, cold feels almost touchable.

He's gone.

Suddenly sharp pain attacks his chest making all the bad memories from his childhood come back. He remembers how his father left them alone, how every friend he has ever had was leaving him without a word because friendship with a cripple was just too hard to bare. And now he is gone too, right? He's gone too because he said some unnecessary things the evening before. Because Jimin felt overwhelmed by his confession, his feelings. Because Jimin could never accept, not even thinking of reciprocate them.

What was he even thinking? That someone like Jimin would really like him back? Maybe feelings aren't really for everybody. Maybe only the luckiest ones are worth it. He's definitely not one of them.
Not that it's something new in his life.

Yoongi doesn't need any explanations, he doesn't need false attention or what's worse, another person who would feel only this pathetic pity for him.

You know what you should do, Yoongi.

"I know"

***

"wake up sleepyhead" he heard blurred whispering voice of a person coming into his room. Is it possible that's really him? No, it must be another hallucination. A few moments earlier he also heard his father, knowing it's not possible for him to be by his son now.

So it must be it. Just a hallucination.

"Yoongi?" Jimin got even more worried when he came over to the bed and tried to shake older's arm to wake him up "shut up" Yoongi murmured. Jimin stopped for a second "w-what?" "just shut up, you're not real..." he repeated a little louder making Jimin sure that he heard him right "what do you mean? I am real, Yoongi" he tried to reach older's arm but Yoongi stopped him by grabbing his hand and held it with a tight grip "I said shut up" he shouted and slightly opened his eyes. Jimin was really scared at that moment.

What could happen to Yoongi in those couple hours when he was away?

Suddenly he noticed on the bed something which made his blood literally froze. An empty little box with some weird blue pills next to it "no" he took it trembling hands and read the label "combination of antidepressant paroxetine and mild sedatives...no, no, no, no, no! Yoongi wake up, I'm real, I'm here!" he shouted shaking his arm using his whole energy "just wake up, I'm sorry i couldn't be here when you felt like this" he burst in tears being a complete mess "why the hell did you do that to me, you said I'm giving you the reasons, why did they dissapeared?" he couldn't calm himself down but knew that he can't help Yoongi alone "I'll get you out of this" he whispered and delicately stroke his cheek. Then he grabbed a phone from the shelf and called for an ambulance.

You can't leave me now, Yoongi...

***

"He's in stable state now, you can visit him soon if you want to, he's not awake yet though" the nurse came up to him and tried to comfort him by patting his back "o-okay, thank you so much..." he answered and run to the hospital room when Yoongi was staying. As soon as he exceeded the threshold, tears started filling his eyes and blurring his whole vision. He quickly sat down on a chair next to him and grabbed older's hand "I'm so happy they came on time, you have no idea" he cried so hard that at first he didn't notice that Yoongi's eyes were opened, he was awake "why are you here..." he asked quietly making Jimin pay attention to him "I was here all the time, I found you in your bedroom...why did you take those pills, Yoongi?" he asked with trembling voice "because I was wrong" "wrong about what? what happened?" Jimin said worryingly still holding and stroking his cold hand "I-I wanted to leave not to make you deal with me..." now older's eyes started getting teary as well, so he just closed them not to face Jimin "what are you even talking about? How could you think I'll be better without you?" he shouted nervously crying harder and harder "you don't..." Yoongi started but Jimin interrupted him quickly "what? You think I don't understand again, right? I understand you don't have an easy life as others but let me..." "you don't understand, you're not me! It's not that simply as you think it it!" Yoongi shouted clenching his eyes tighter "the only thing I don't understand is why did you take those fucking pills after saying such things yesterday! You're right, I'm not you, I don't know what you had to go through your whole life, I can only imagine it. I just..." he stopped for a second to calm himself down a bit "I just really don't wanna lose you" "why would you, I don't even deserve your company" Yoongi answered looking at Jimin again "but I don't want to spend my time with anyone else, you know? There's only you. Only you matter to me..." he stood up and nervously going back and forth through the room.

Jimin knew he was a mess, crying and shouting in helplessness but that was the truth there. Recently their relationship was getting more and more colorful every time they met. He wondered if Yoongi felt the same and the day before he truly believed that he really could.
Jimin wasn't sure about what his heart was saying, he couldn't specify it yet he knew he couldn't imagine a day without seeing older's face on which he was noticing a smile more often. He couldn't even imagine how it would all look without every mean comment older makes or his quiet moments when he was pondering about next thing he's about to say.
Everything in Jimin's peacefull, maybe even boring life changed when he met that introverted and hurt man.

"I really hate looking at your tears, cut it down, please" whispered Yoongi, single tear fell down his cheek "I really hate you saying all these stuff which make me cry" Jimin slowly came up to him with rest of his energy. He sat down again, this time on the bed next to his friend and wiped the tear off his cheek giving him a comforting smile. He felt like Yoongi went through a lot in his life so he wanted to focus more on older's agony than his. Yoongi relaxed a bit under Jimin's touch so he decided to continue talking "can you tell me...why did you do that? What made you think of this?"

Yoongi didn't know what he was supposed to say. He had no idea what Jimin felt towards him and didn't even surmise he might feel the same things as him.

At the end, it was Jimin who was good and pure, not him.

"I-I don't know what I should tell you. I can't explain it in any good way, you know. When I took them...it felt like the best thing to do then..." he said looking insecurely at younger's face. Jimin was peacefully stroking his hair which to his surprise made him think as if he was worth it for a second "I thought you left because you didn't want me, because...because I'm simply damaged"

Then this weird feeling hit Yoongi again and his heart froze when he heard what Jimin said.

"Yoongi" he started nervously "Would it be the stupidest thing on the world if I told you now that...
I love you?" he said quietly as if he was scared of older's reaction.

After a few seconds of pure quiet Yoongi sighed heavily and reached to Jimin's blushing cheek "no, it wouldn't" he responded, his face stayed emotionless but when Jimin looked into his eyes, he noticed there some sparkles, which looked like a pure happiness "In my humble opinion stupider would be the fact that...I think I love you too" he said and couldn't help himself but pulled Jimin closer and kissed his lips softly. They both felt the salty taste of tears on their tongues but it didn't matter at the moment.

The most important thing was that they could finally show each other their hidden feelings and pour them into the kiss which spoke by itself.

I love you.