The pleasure of touch

mans love knows no bounds

A mans love knows no bounds

My life as it exists is very exciting. Even though I do not know many people, it is very fun. I started sophomore year not expecting to do anything exciting and I ended up dating someone at the beginning of the year but that did not last but 10 days then I met someone new. He was a friend of my little sister so I was nice to him. He saw I was somewhat sad over my breakup so he asked me out.

Little did I know that I saying yes would be a huge mistake? I fell for him. He was kind but as the weeks passed, I knew he was very immature. We would fight over stupid things and he would not care that the things he did would make me very upset with him. He acted as if he was still in middle school. I started thinking, is this how my life is going to be from now on?

We broke up like five times the last time was a week before my birthday. Even though I felt heart broken I moved on. I was single for about 4 ½ months. Then I started dating a boy who slowly over 3 ½ months became the love of my life. He was sweet and perfect in almost every way but he had a problem.

He did not trust me. One weekend I went away to this camp thing and participated in this thing called faith sharing sitting in that room with a bunch of strangers I realized I'm able to share more details about my life with perfect strangers than I am with my own boyfriend. That made me feel horrible inside. I felt like if I told him these things about me he would judge me and I didn't want to lose him so I didn't share those things I talked about till later that night.

In addition, a woman defined during the time of the bible. The verse was Proverbs 31:10. It said a virtuous wife. I thought to myself that a virtuous wife is something I cannot be because I am not trusted. When we talked, he told me I would never get his trust because he does not even trust his own mother. I should have broken up with him then but I did not I waited to see if his opinion would change.

One day I was on day I was on Mybook and his ex girlfriend liked everything I was writing so I asked a question that was set just to offend her. The question I asked was "is it wrong to be rude to a person that doesn't like you even though you don't know why they don't like you?" She commented and said no so I though to myself ok then I can be rude to her she asked me was that question about her I lied and said no. She said ok I just wanted to know what to expect when school starts. I told my bf that I thought she was watching my status and he called me paranoid.

That made me mad so I asked her why she did not like me and I asked him why she did not like me. They both said that she thought I was a hoe. It was like a slap in the face. I never thought of myself in that light so I did not know someone else thought of me like that. I asked him if he thought of me the same way he said at first I did not but now I do not. Then the stupidest most inconsiderate thing came out of his mouth he said tell me if you are like for real. I said I am not so a few minutes later he replied, "With that question yes I do think you are a hoe"

My eyes instantly became blood shot red. I have been walking around for the last 3 days thinking should I break up with him. Now I am finally ready to do that because I know as well as everyone else saying I should not be with a person like that I am too good for him. So now, I am finally ready to end a relationship that is always making me sad. The longer I take the more memories start to rush back but I will not change my decision.

I thought of when we were kissing in the rain. I thought of when he asked me to marry him when we get our lives on the right track. However, those memories do not change how I fell out of love because of a three-letter word I should have been flattered to know that a hater like his ex was thinking about me. I should have been less surprised that he would say that because he was always accusing me of cheating.

I should have left a lot sooner but now I know everything that was wrong with our relationship. Without trust, there is no love. TRUST such a simple five-letter word with so much meaning. Trust could fix anything. That was the only thing my relation ship was missing but I am not about to try to find it because supposedly I am a hoe.

HOE a three-letter word with so many uses. Hoe could mean a gardening tool but in its derogatory meaning used to degrade women and ruin self-confidence. However, my self-confidence is at the highest it has ever been. Even though others have that opinion about me, I know who I am. That one thing will never change.

I am a strong, Independent, young women. Although I am different, I share many of the same characteristics of people like Amelia Earhart, Rosa Parks, Freda callow, Susan b. Anthony, and women everywhere. Others may set the bar but I raise it and I am ready to start a new chapter in my life. A happier chapter full of laughter. Free of animosity.

I am and will always be Kazana Kelele. I will only worry about myself from now on and focus on school and work. There are people that depend on me now. That shows I am important. I am important.

I am INVINCIBLE. Its time to smile (: Its time to love myself <3 its time to stop being what others want me to be. Its time, to be, myself, and not what everyone else wants me to be it, should not matter about the clothes on my back or the way I do my hair.

I will be a godmother soon. My best friend just told me she is close over six weeks. I cannot wait to be an aunt and godmother. I ended it I never thought it would be so hard. He promised never to call me another name like that.

I almost believed it but I cannot just go back on something I promised myself I would not do. He said he is down in the gutter and he knew that I would leave him just like everybody else in his life. His ex still is mad at me and I have to see her at orientation. She said tf (the f*ck) kind of friend goes with their friends ex. I told her it was not as if I did it right after you broke up with him. I waited a full month.

What she does not know or did not care to ask was if I liked him. To be honest I liked him before they even got together I was just being a good friend. Nevertheless, let us be real for a second, our friendship ended long before she started dating him. She was always being rude to me, and always making fun of me. She never bothered to see how I felt about her making fun of me.

Moreover, I, being the person who always tried to please everyone, never said one word about how it made me feel. Anyway, she broke his heart I was just helping him mend it. Why should I feel wrong for liking the person I liked? One moment she called me a friend then the next she treated me like crap. I deserved a better friend than someone who was always putting me down.

Nevertheless, back to they're relationship she left him for an ex. He went around hating the world and himself for letting her slip away. I would have never done something like that to a sweet, honest, and compassionate person like him. However, I could always feel like he would rather be with her than with me. She was so much popular and outgoing.

Do not get me wrong I was outgoing too but I did not have many friends because people always saw me differently. I am bullied everyday of my life so I tried to have a thick skin about people. I was not just bullied at school my stepfather also bullied me. He could get me to do whatever he wanted, because he was taller than I was and I was afraid of the consequences. I guess that is why I have always been afraid of getting close to people because I am afraid of getting hurt.

I got everything wrong and miss interpreted everything my boyfriend said. He loves me and I wish I were still dating him. I am still going to try to get him back. He means everything to me. The fact that I just gave up on us is what broke my heart the most. I hope that I will get him back one day but until then I think I am going to just going to stay to myself anyway please read my story and tell me what you think.