the rhythm of your heart

three.

"My mom hates me." I say. It's the first time I've ever said it out loud and I exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Why do you think that?" Demi asks.

"Ever since I came out as bi, she thinks she needs to fix me. She wasn't the best mom before I came out, but now it's worse. She thinks hitting me will make me exclusively attracted to men but it hasn't worked yet. Sometimes I'm scared she's going to kill me. Sometimes I'm not scared at all."

As soon as I'm done talking I mentally slap myself. I rambled so much, and over shared. I don't even know why I'm telling Demi this, seeing as she'll forget about me the second I leave.

Demi makes eye contact with me and holds it steady for a second before saying, "You don't deserve that."

I shrug, and nod and start picking at the skin around my fingers. Another nervous habit indeed. It's silent for a few seconds before Demi speaks up again.

"So, since you won't talk to me about your cuts. Let's talk about something else."

"Like what? I'm not very interesting." I say.

"Lies! I bet you're interesting!"

"Nope."

"So, let's talk about Bree. How long have y'all been dating?"

"Too long." I respond.

Demi makes a cute confused face, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, she's a bitch."

"Why do you date?"

"Everything was good at first, and she lets me stay with her when my mom is going on a rampage."

Demi frowns and takes my hand, playing with my fingers lightly.

"Really though, how long?"

"Seven months."

"Damn." Demi says, and lets out a low whistle.

I blush again, and look away. I really don't know how to handle myself in social situations.

I feel my phone buzzing, and pull it out of my pocket immediately. I scrunch my face up when I read the name. Bree.

"Can I answer this call?"

Demi nods and I click answer.

"Dude. I waited for thirty fucking minutes. I left."

"What? Really?"

"Yes! I DONT LIKE HOW YOU'VE BEEN TREATING ME!"

"How have I been treating you?," I ask curiously.

"Hannah. I think we should break up." Bree says, instead of responding to my question.

"Bout time." I say, trying to be nonchalant about it. I can already feel my eyes filling with tears.

"Bye."

"Wait, Bree." I start.

I hear the dial tone.

"Fuck!" I exclaim.

"What?" Demi asks.

"Bree." I say through gritted teeth.

"What happened?"

"She broke up with me. And she left me. And I have no way to get home. And now I have no one. I will have nowhere to go when my mom is being an asshole."

Demi grabs my arm, "You have me."

I roll my eyes and pull my arm away, "You met me today. We've spent 45 minutes together. I don't 'have you', because I am a fan. That's all I'll ever be."

Demi looks offended as she speaks to me, slow and soft, "Do not ever say you are 'just a fan'. Do you understand? You are so much more than that. And so is every other Lovatic. You guys are my family. I will help you. I promise."

I nod and tuck my hair behind my ears.

"Let me call you an uber?"

"Please." I say, in a small voice.

Demi is already on her phone and on the app. She hands me her phone and prompts me to input my address into the phone. I put it in and read the total cost of the ride. It's $90.

"Demi, I don't know if I have $90 on my card right now." I say nervously, scared I'll have to walk home.

"Don't worry about it, I got it." She says dismissively, like $90 is nothing to her.

We make small talk and laugh for the next ten minutes until Demi receives the text that tells her that my ride is here. I push myself up off the couch and hug Demi. She truly doesn't know how much this night meant to me.

"Thank you." I whisper into her shoulder.

"Thank you." Demi repeats to me, and I almost tear up.

We walk out of the door together and she watches me as I climb into the backseat of the small vehicle. My driver pulls away and I fully expect to never see Demi again. But the car stops and my window is rolled down.

"Wait. I forgot to give you my number." Demi exclaims, grabbing my phone and texting a number, who I assume is her.

"Your number?"

"Yeah. And it's not the fake one I give to asshole boys. It's the real deal. I'll text you when I get on my bus. Bye Hannah!" Demi rushes out.

Before I can even say bye, she runs back inside the building and I'm more confused than ever.