Free Will

Will?

I grabbed her hair forcefully telling her to leave. But she wouldn't. I pushed her out the door more forcefully then ever. But she came back. I loved her for it but I couldn't let her stay.

"I'm warning you Dawn! Leave now before I really hurt you. You cant be this stupid to stay here. Why don't you leave?!"

The lies burnt my throat raw but I knew it was for the best. She isn't safe with me and the business I run. One wrong move and Id be responsible for her diminish. I love her too much for that to happen. This is the only way.

"What are you saying? That you don't want me after all this time? That you'll leave me for some broke slut on the sidewalk? Of course I'm not leaving cause I know those things aren't true and something is actually going on behind those lies that you keep telling yourself! Maybe I know you better than you know yourself cause I see in your eyes. I love you Will Billard and I ain't leaving unless you tell me what's really going on!"

I sigh. How does she know me so fucking well? It makes me want to take back everything bad I've done to her and hold her in my arms and watch the world disappear. Who needs anything but her and I. But this cant be my fantasy come true and I have to accept that.

"Dawn."

I say it in a calm and dangerous tone which takes her a back. Good. I continue in the tone.

"You cant stay here for reasons you cant fully understand but I know one you can understand."

I edge towards her cornering her out the front door. I hate seeing this look in her eyes. The one that says "I don't know who you are anymore". But I grit through it. Continuing the suspense until she is outside the house and there is room to slam the door in her face to emphasise my next point. God this hurts.

"I. Don't. Love. You."

Then I slam and lock the door. I hear her screams and it tears me apart. I lean my head against the door as she pounds down on it. Then I whisper the words I wish I could say to her face to the door.

"I love you Dawn Sunners. Your an amazing woman who doesn't belong in my messed up life... goodbye."

A tear burns my cheek. Then another. Until Niagara falls is flooding my face and I cant stop it. But I don't want to. I need to feel the pain that I've caused the only person I've had the privilege of loving. I fall to the floor and my heart shatters into unrecognisable pieces around me that only the person on the other side of the door can put back together. Then the screaming stops and turns into whimpers. A single word is made out that churns  my insides.

"Will?"