Someday My Summer Will Come

Chapter 1

My past defines me, this is who I am. I am; unseen, unheard, unwanted. That is what I am, even if I am anything. It seemed like the same thing that held me tears me down. My world turned upside down and order disappeared. Nothing was how it was supposed to be and a heavy sadness filled my soul. Deeper and deeper I fell within myself and nothing could draw me out. Trapped in the misery of my life. Lost in the sorrow of my soul. Unable to see the light; unable to see the dawn to feel, to hope, to dream. And I found the darkest days of my life kept coming. The blackest night when my soul never stopped. It seemed like it was always night time and nightmares and never morning and maybe you wonder why but mostly you try not to think about it, and try to get by and try to survive. And all the other stuff seemed like nothing compared to wanting the important things back again. Like seeming your mama smile again and hear her sing that one favorite song that always calmed you down when things were messed up. And if you can't have her back at least be able to take care of your baby brother. Because you know he needs you and he's going to be scared all alone and who's going to hold his hand and whisper it will be alright to him. And who will whisper it to me.

I know I am helpless, dependent, desperate but what happened when those you need the most threaten your very existence. I heard plenty of promises and they all sound the same. But push hard enough and sooner or later they all prove to be empty. The sun comes up every morning but do you know where? Always somewhere different. It's hard to find East when you keep moving around but at least it comes . Its ALWAYS comes and I've learned to depend on that. And slowly... slowly seasons change around me and maybe this time the world would not be pulled out from under me again. Feet safe and roots starting to grow little buds of hope form slowly attempting to trust this new life. I wish someone would tell me its going to be okay. That one day maybe I would feel normal and I won't always be alone. That i'll have a mommy that will hug me, and be strong for me because maybe I can't do it all by myself. This: my past, my history, my story is not my fault. It's not because of me it doesn't have to be what defines my future. I am lovable, I am worthy  of care and that glimmer of light makes all the difference, the glimmer's of light give me hope that someday my summer will come.