Here you are. Standing from afar. Looking at him. Waving at him. Clinging to that hope that one day he'll notice you. His smiles. His attractive dimple. His sparkly eyes. These makes your heart thump.
"I want to hug you so bad." you whispered to yourself. Just thinking about that scenario makes you smile. Him, tightly hugging you as if there is no tomorrow.
"Kim Namjoon! Kim Seokjin! Min Yoongi! Jung Hoseok! Park Jimin! Kim Taehyung! Jeon Jungkook!" you all shouted as they perform the Blood, Sweat & Tears on stage.
"Wonhae manhi manhi! Manhi manhi!" Hearing the fans and Bangtan singing together is so precious. You can't help but just cry out of happiness. Seeing him on the big screens makes you scream his name.
"Nae ppi tam nun mul~" as the song ended, they bowed together and waved at the fans. Playing with the camera, and walking around the stage.
"How I wish I could hold your hand even just for a sec."you sighed as you looked at him on the screens.
"MARAMING SALAMAT!" they shouted with a funny accent that makes the crowd go all crazy.
"MAHAL KO KAYO!" and more shouting and screaming. Y'all got no chill.
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After the concert, You went to the comfort room to pee. And as you walked towards the exit, you bumped into someone. You felt a firm grip on your arm and the next thing you know you're both running so fast, trying to escaped those.. fans? You both entered an empty room and he immediately locked the door.
"We'll stay here for a while. I hope they'll not find us here." he said while catching his breath. You sat on the floor as you felt your knees weaken. Is this true? Is this real? Kim Nam Joon is standing in front of me?
"Hey, are you okay? I'm sorry if I bumped into you. It's not my intention to hurt you. Are you hurting?" he knelt down, facing you.
"I-i'm fine." you stuttered as he held your hand.
"Are you sure?"
"Y-yes." He nodded and smiled.
"Okay, we'll stay here for a while. I hope the other members are fine too." he stood up and dialed on his phone.
"/in korean/ Hey, where are you guys? ... Aaa. Good. I'm here at the empty room near the comfort room. I'm with a girl. ... No. No. No. She's safe. Yes. Okay. I'll be waiting for you."
He sat beside you without even saying anything. You stayed like that for more than a minute.
"I'm sorry if you're not with your bias right now. I'm sure you will be much happier if he is the one who's here." you looked at him with tears in your eyes.
"C-can I hold your hand?" You asked.
He smiled. But a a fake one.
"Okay. Here. Just imagine that this hand is your bias'." you burst into tears and hugged him instead.
"Yah. Why do you have to belittle yourself huh? Are you crazy? *sniff* Are you blind? For your information, you're my bias." he held both of your shoulder and faced you. He smiled and wipes your tears.
"Really? How come?" he looked down and sighed. But you cupped his cheeks and smiled.
"Kim Nam Joon. Nomu saranghaeyo. You don't know how happy I am right now. I feel so lucky to be the girl you are with right now. You are important to me and to all the fan girls. I know you have received a lot of hates from antis but please, don't listen to them. You have us, ARMYs, who is loving you, giving you lots of loves to erase those sad and bad memories you have. Please don't ever think that Bangtan doesn't need you. You are the head of the group. And the body can't move by itself without the brain, without the brain to guide them. Bangtan needs you. We all need you. So despite of all the hates, please remember us. We are hurting too whenever you're hurting. We are crying too whenever you're crying. There will be no Bangtan without you. There will be no ARMYs without RM. We love you. You are perfect in your own way. And one more thing... You're not ugly okay? They're just blind enough to see that. Okay? I love you. I really do. In fact, I don't love you as my idol,.. I- I love you as a man. I am not seeing you as Rap Monster, I am seeing you as Kim Nam Joon. A funny guy with a soft and kind heart."
He held your hand while looking at you.
"T-thank you." - is all he can say. Yes it hurts. After all that you've said, Thank You was his only reply. You smiled and nodded.
"You're welcome. I think this is how fan girl's life works." you chuckled softly and looks down. Trying to hide the tears that was about to fall.
*knock knock*
He stood up and slowly opens the door.
"/in korean/ Are you okay? Let's go now. They're all waiting for you." the staff said. Namjoon nodded and looked back to you. He offered his hand and helped you stand.
"Hm. So I guess, this is it?" he scratched his nape and smiled.
"Yeah. Take care of yourself. And please, always remember what I've said." you smiled at him.
"I will. Not only what you've said, but also you. I will always remember you. Thank you. And I love you too." he leaned closer and ... Kissed your forehead.
He waved before leaving the room... You smiled as you trail behind them. He is an idol. I'm just a fan. I loved him as man, he loved me as a fan. I call him husband, he calls me fan. And this is how a fan girl's life works.
