The moment went black when you've finally decided to walk away.
For all the years went by just to let you feel that I am here, trying to protect you from any bullcraps, that I am always here whenever you need me, and that I'm always here that you can count on.
But for some reason which I don't know, when did it happen and how did it happen, you suddenly became a strahger in my life. It is as if someone had taken "you" away from me, creating a wall where we live in a surreal world.
I took every bit of your painful words when I only stood up for what is right but again for some reason, I found myself being alone along the crowd, no one to talk to.
I then spent my days with people close to me. Most of the time whenever everything wasn't good.
One night around December, 2015, I invited a few friends to come over to join us to dinner and had a few talks. Unfortunately, we didn't notice the time and it is time for us to bid goodbye. But for being courteous, I asked for permission to accompany them on their way home. Along the way, the rain came in so we stayed in for a few while in my friend's house. Just until the rajn had stopped, we decided to move on the next destination. As I was about to go home, a message just popped in. Instead of asking where I am right now and to come home right away, instead you blurted out so many painful words to the point of throwing me out of the house. I was then dumbfounded by those words and called my sister about it. I wanted for myself to come home but she said it has already been locked and there is no way I can get in. She is as scared like a cat being watched out by dog that anytime she'll come out, there is no way to escape. I felt nothing but like a thrash being thrown away. So I decided to stay on my friend's apartment and spent the rest of the night until sunrise so I can finally come home.
So when I was asked where'd I slept that night, I then lied. No one knew what happened to me that night so I kept it.
The next month, we argued once more and then the very first time you raise not only your voice but also your hand onto me. I already knew you'll gonna do it but it was I numb to the pain you'd inflicted on me but to the words you'd said.
Few months backward, it was the 29th day of October 2015, that morning my cousin, who was a crew in my team, met an accident togeher with his girlfriend. That afternoon me and my buddy went to visit him. Upon we reach his family, his sister asked a small favor since she wasn't able to get atleast a few rest or even get clothes for his brother, to be substitute for a while. So I agreed. Later that evening I had informed my crew and Asst.Team Leader that I will be late for about 2 hours because I was waiting for my cousin back then. Their parents by the way, is not quite familiar to medical terms that is why I agreed to stay.
Time came in I found out that I am quite short for the time to go home and change. So again, for a late notice, I asked for another hour. They agreed. But not to long after, aa message popped in coming from you. Saying harsh worlds on how ineffective I was and there was even a part that was made up that only made you more angry. I tried explaining my side...
But you never listened.
Instead, you kept of pouring me more harsh words and asked not to go on duty.
I broke down. That for all the days I spent, even my rest days was sacrificed, evrything was nullified in your eyes.
That night, I felt nothing but pain and tears keep down pouring. "I only made a single mistake, how come it was this hurtful to receive such words...
...why am I the only one being treated like that?"
That night I knew someone was making rumors about me. I chose not to mind about it, but here you are to interfere. And even led to embarassed me in front of everybody through the radio that I should stop and go home. If you have to this in a private and personal way, why then you not let me be inform through a call or a text message. That way itwould be less painful and less embarassing.
I look like stupid back then. And you never knew what it felt like. And even if you knew, I know you will not be bothered.
Because you no longer care.
I was the laughing stock of everyone whenever people turn around but you never dare to stood up even for once.
Someone comforted me so I bursts it all out letting her know what I felt. She said you understood but you chose not to interfere so that they will not look as if you are in favor of me because I am your sister.
Just then, I even felt more alone. And up to the point I met an accident, all I wanted to hear was for you to care for atleast during in pain, that you will set aside first my mistake and be thankful that I was still alive back then. But as I hope for it, I never heard it. Instead, looking at your expressions that time, I felt like I was stab by a millions of needles, bleedjng and being left out.
If only you knew until today, I tried to cope up with you... but because of a random person, you even changed. You are no longer the person I knew. Never did I let any harsh words about you. I was only trying to protect you from that person, but even so, you still chose to protect her and be against us.
To the point, you hurt me physically once more. Not only once, but thrice. And the other person was different awhile ago, saying things that it was okay and good suddenly turned back against me in your presence.
Such a cliché. The pain from the past visited once more.
I knew I had the right to interfere when things is no longer in place, because I care... but I guess you never needed a sister in me.
I knew all along, how you've wished I just died a year ago, less burden, less annoyance to you...
Don't worry dear, if ever time comes I hope you will be happy. Of course, who wouldn't anyways.
All you see in me where nothing but annoyance, a virus in your life. Your punching bag whenever you wanted to release it all..
