As The Light Flicker

Kabanata 9

I woke up feeling like I hadn't really slept. It's already 9pm. My body ached in places I didn't know could ache. Every muscle felt tender and raw. I shifted slowly under the blanket I didn't remember pulling over myself.

He was still here.

Lucas.

I didn't move. I didn't want him to know I was awake yet.

He was on the chair across the room, legs propped on my study table like he belonged here. Like this was normal. His phone was in his hand. He was scrolling through it lazily, earbuds in, nodding slightly to whatever beat he was hearing.

I slowly turned my head to the side, flinching at the movement. My right ear throbbed again.

The pain wasn't as sharp as earlier, but it was there... deep, persistent, and dull, like something wasn't quite right. I sat up slowly, holding the side of my face.

I had cleaned the cut on my lip earlier... quietly, carefully, in the bathroom while he showered. I didn't look at myself for too long. I couldn't.

But the ear... It still hurt.

Sometimes, the sound around me dipped in and out. Muffled, like I was underwater.

I blinked, trying to clear it. I rubbed around the edge of it, wincing at the contact. My fingers trembled again.

"Kate."

His voice broke through the quiet. I looked up automatically, even though every part of me wanted to keep looking down.

His eyes were on me now. Cold. Assessing.

"You hungry?" he asked, like nothing happened.

I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing came out. I just shook my head slowly.

I couldn't eat. I could barely breathe without flinching.

He looked away, went back to his phone, like my silence wasn't strange. Like it was expected.

I sat on the edge of the bed, hands folded tightly in my lap, silently counting each throb in my ear and every second of muffled silence in between.

Something was wrong. And no matter how much I cleaned myself up... I couldn't fix this.

I stood in front of the mirror, barely breathing.

The dorm light flickered softly above me, casting shadows on the tiled bathroom wall. I held the edge of the sink with both hands, my fingers trembling around the cold ceramic. I didn't want to look, but I had to.

Slowly, I raised my eyes. There I was. Or someone who looked like me.

The right side of my face was swollen... purplish, almost black around the corner of my eye, crawling dangerously close to my temple and ear. My lower lip had a gash at the edge, just under the corner... dried blood still sat stubbornly in the crack. My skin was pale, sickly under the bruises.

My throat tightened.

I looked... fragile. And ruined.

I swallowed hard, but even that movement hurt. My jaw ached. My ear... God, my ear it throbbed with every tiny shift. The pain was deep, like something had broken inside, something that wouldn't show in just bruises.

My fingers reached up on instinct, brushing lightly at the curve of my ear.

Agad akong napaurong. The moment I touched it, a sharp jolt of pain shot down my neck.

"Shit..." I whispered to myself, the sound small, almost pitiful.

My eyes stung again. I didn't want to cry. I really didn't. But my throat was closing up.