A Dog and May

I

I don't know where time went. When it was spent with her it kind of floated by, quickly and painlessly. Now its like every second's tick of black is made to block out another color of the rainbow. The light becoming more dim, greyer and harsher than before. Life becoming hard, bed was the only place I found comfort, by myself. She was dead, no point in trying to change reality, it happened, and now I have to live with it.

"She's dead god damn it, get over it. Go back home, I don't need consolation." I was angry that my neighbors showed up to my doorstep, trying to give me their help like I was some sort of charity. Their faces were completely surprised, by my tone, I guess. "Leave me alone." My emotion shot down into a quiet talk realizing that I had probably shouted loud enough to make a dog bark across the street. The wooden door slammed shut behind the force of my hand and made a loud noise across my house. Turning around my anger quickly converted to sadness, letting my mouth drip down my chin. Walking forward I saw nothing but grey, the blinds were shut, light was cut out. There was no more music, no more literature, art was ripped off the walls and I couldn't stand to see other people. My energy was gone and there was nothing going on in my mind anymore. I couldn't see anything but the dark insanity that lived on through my mind. I couldn't understand why, I guess it hadn't caught up to me yet that the girl I loved died only a few hours before.

We were driving, across the highway. A long bridge had connected hope street with Mary avenue. We had turned off and were heading home from a dinner with our parents. The night went pretty well but I had one too many beers and I let emotions get the best of me. Anger overcame my judgement and I couldn't understand where my morals went. The roads became nothing but guidelights and she became distracted off the road. I observed the truck a few seconds before it happened, enough time to tell her to stop, but I didn't. She was engrossed in our argument over who had started an uncomfortable situation with our parents only a few hours before. She took the eyes off the road for a second, leading to her demise. Everything went black and I did not understand what was going on. I can't remember what happened, cant recall even the slightest memory. All I know is that I am awake in my bed, smelling her scent across, staring into the dark abyss that I lay within.

She was dead, and I guess my neighbors knew that before I did, before I could fully understand. Until I woke up, reaching across for her warmth and I found nothing. Listening to the sudden groan from my alarm clock but only encountering silence. Stepping up out of bed with only a slight grunt I knew that things were different. I didn't feel that sudden urge to come home anymore, there was no longer a beauty in life that wasn't among the trees and it made life a whole lot more mundane. I only realised this in the morning, when I was sitting at breakfast, looking at the shells laying atop of the kitchen table. Covered in dried sand from the beaches of Hawaii that she picked up thinking were so beautiful and that we needed to have in our home. At the time, I thought they were nothing more than a gimmick but now I see nothing, no more a beauty in someone else's eyes, it was the remnants of her... whatever that was.