A Dog and May

VII

Days spun together like a jitterily woven spider web that had been through some rough days. The spider that spun it together was no longer home and he had found a new place to retreat to because the bugs there were no longer fresh. He lost his taste for the place where he was and now it was time to move on. Time to move on... My thoughts were occasionally blessed with the memory of her but sometimes my dreams carried too far and I woke up in a sweat. Napili, the dog, was coming on 6 months old now, having owned him for one or two. The first few weeks I was in distress, caught in an indecisive cycle of whether or not to call May because of my uncertainty to raise the dog. It didn't take long to train him but the fact that I had something else living with me again was startling and it took time for me to fully realize that I needed him.

"Guess we should go on a walk." Two weeks ago was when I understood his growing importance in my life. I hadnt been out of the house at all except for when he needed to walk. Liquor was a steady flow in my diet and despite that day when I got him, when I felt reborn, that feeling had yet to come back. The world was still a grey dull space that didn't leave much room for me to see where others found enjoyment out of it. Cancer was taking over my body and it was becoming harder and harder to move. My bones in the morning felt like they were grinding on top of each other and I was completely bald at this point, wearing ball caps around. My face had a sickly grey look to it and my lack of happiness left me looking like someone who had died, seen hell and returned to live the rest of his life. I was miserable every morning and the only chance I had left of enjoying the last few remaining months of my life was in this dog.

Napili, the dog who could only reflect my sadness, not brighten it, set out the door and I followed holding on to the leash. The walks were painful and there wasn't much motivation stopping me from resting at the nearest bench till my oncoming death. Napili pulled the leash gently but still pushing me, as if he knew that I was hurting. I could sense in his eyes and his barks along with his fur, as if showing me that he only wanted to be a gentle nudge in my life. But two weeks ago, that walk, it was different. He was pulling and strangling himself on the leash, smelling everything he came across. I was curious but pissed off because he normally never acted like this. He was pulling so hard that my colorless skin felt like it was going to be torn apart just by the sheer force of this five month old dog.

"Cut it out or I'm going to cut your balls off again." I muttered under my breath as Napili pulled on my arm. He eased off a little for a moment or two but then got straight back at it. This time so jarringly that the leash whipped right out of my hand. The tether pulled my fingers and cut the skin on my index finger, pulling me to the ground. "Ah, Fuck!" I fell to the ground on my knees and the concrete felt hard, rough on my knees. I was already out of breath, panting heavy, I looked up the street towards where he had ran off to and was already a block ahead of me.

"Napili!" I shouted down the street. My voice was weak and didn't make it very far. I stood up wearily and began to run down the street, panting hard with sweat tearing down my face on the moderately hot but uncomfortably humid Saturday afternoon. Small barks came from down the street and the bell across his neck was ringing violently in the distance. "Fucking dog." I tried to voice my anger but the noise was less than that of a breath. My run continued and I made it about two blocks until having to stop to rest. The ball cap ontop of my head was dripping with sweat and my eyes felt hot. Panting heavily I looked around and heard another bark, to my right, on the other side of the street was a small path leading into a darkened pathway that I had never been down before. I stepped off the concrete pathway and moved across the street as hastily as I could muster and wearily walked down the path with all the energy left in my bones.

The path eventually turned to a sandy gravel road that had trees at the end of it, seemingly blocking the sunlight from passing. I pushed ahead and made it to the trees at the end of the path with the unusually large leaves. Forcing my way through I felt every bristle of each branch on my skin and then the light hit my eyes and dizziness filled my head. The scratches from each tree made me tired and aggravated my senses while the sunlight blinded my mind from what was ahead. Then I felt the soft path under my feet and heard the waves crashing against the shore. Wiping my eyes clear of sweat and the blinding light I looked ahead and noticed the beach with the clear blue water sweeping onto the light brown sand. I looked down and saw Napili, soaking wet, at my feet. I bent down and grabbed the leash, noticing that my hand had been bleeding that whole time. "You better not do that again."