unforgettable ✧ smokepump

THIRTEEN

"i was wondering when he was gon hurry up and cuff me already"

gazzy

when you start to fall for someone, often adding sex in the mix will quicken the process and make you fall twice as hard as you already were falling anyway. especially at such a young age, when your brain isn't really equipped to seperate pleasure and feelings, so you just fall even more for that person and all you can think about is them.

i wouldn't say i'm in love with omar, but at the rate i'm going at, i will be sooner than later. i'm definitely well on my way.

the word love is overused. i've only known him for about a month, and i don't think it's possible to fall in love with somebody after just a month, but like i said, if things continue on the route they've been on, i'll be in love with him in no time.

i've already been daydreaming about him and thinking about him nonstop, especially after what we did that one night. most people wouldn't put much stock into a shitty blowjob under the covers and a fingering that would turn out to have painful consequences the next morning to be that big, but that was the first time i've done anything sexual with anyone. omar touched me in ways i've never been touched before, and i wanted him to do it again.

it's to the point where everything reminds me of omar. i'll see a couple in public and i'll wish that it was omar and i. i sit up and daydream about him when i have nothing to do, i crave his touch, his love, his lips on mine. i want him to be mine and i want to be his. i want omar so bad that he's all i think about every day.

okay, what i said earlier was bullshit. i'm already in love with omar.

i was wondering when he was gon hurry up and cuff me already. i didn't want to rush him, because i could tell that he was struggling with coming to terms with his sexuality, and i can definitely relate.

we're both hispanic, and i know firsthand how hispanics can be about homosexuality. don't believe me? ask my dad how he feels about me.

and even without the hispanic community being the way it is about gay people, internalized homophobia was a bitch regardless, so i wasn't going to rush him.

a part of me was scared that one of these days omar was going to just decide he's actually straight and just cut me loose like nothing that happened between us ever happened. that fear was growing larger and larger as i began to grow more attached him, but i ignored it.

cassy and i wandered around the shopping center, carrying around bags from the other store we had just left.

"you should have gotten something from victoria's secret like i told you to," she shook her head at me.

"chill, i'm not even all that feminine," i defended myself.

"iM nOt eVeN aLL tHat feMiNiNe" she mocked my words, "bro, you're more feminine than me and i'm a whole female."

"so maybe i am a little feminine," i whined. "i'm still not buying panties, my dick's too big to fit in them."

"aw, come on," she tugged on my t shirt. "imagine what omar would think if he saw you in some. he'd lose what little of his mind he has left."

i sighed. she was so persistant.

"fine," i pouted. "but i'm only getting a couple of pairs. that shit ain't cheap."