Seventy-seven (The Fear of Falling Apart: Just a One-Shot)

Brendon pulled away when he felt Ryan trembling. "I said you don't have to be scared of me anymore."

Ryan shook his head, his breathing faster than it was before their kiss. "I'm not scared." Ryan whispered.

It took Brendon a few minutes to understand what Ryan was saying. Brendon leaned down to lightly kiss him on the lips. He pulled back, both hands on either side of Ryan's head, leaning forward. Ryan had never seen this look on Brendon's face before. It seemed thoughtful. Caring. Loving.

"I won't do anything you aren't ready to do. Just tell me to stop and I will. Ok? I promise, I will stop." Brendon explains to Ryan while looking deep into his eyes.

"I don't want you to stop." Ryan exclaims shyly, but with hope in the tone.

Brendon grins wider, leans forward to kiss Ryan deeper. Ryan feels his heart beating erratically against his rib cage and wonders if anyone has ever died from their heart exploding. He can feel Brendon's heart beating just as hard. Brendon's hands have tangled into Ryan's hair, and he's enjoying the slight tugs.

"R-ryan?" Brendon asks breathlessly when he pulls away from him once more. "Do you want to take this in the bedroom? So we're alone?"

"Yes. Please?" Ryan nods with half lidded eyes. He still hasn't gotten control of his breathing. He also notices how turned on he is just from kissing Brendon.

Brendon hops up on his feet and pulls Ryan to his. Still holding onto Ryan's hand, he leads him to guest bedroom where he used to sleep. They tiptoe quietly over the bodies scattered on the floor. Ryan is certain the sound of his heart banging in his chest, plus the butterflies in his stomach will wake the whole apartment.

Brendon lightly closes the door behind them. He turns to Ryan, his hands reaching for his face and neck while their lips meet. He's covering his neck in light kisses as he he guides Ryan to the bed. When the back of Ryan's knees hits the edge, he sits down. Brendon is standing over him, bending to him to connect their mouths. He suddenly stops, and pauses to look at Ryan, who is bathed in white moonlight and from the window.

"Can I lay on the bed with you? We can st—" Brendon begins to say.

Ryan is shaking his head fervently, interrupting his sentence by pulling him onto the bed beside him. The kisses are deeper now. Slower. Ryan moans from the throbbing discomfort that's growing in his crotch.

"Oh my God! That is the sexiest moan I ever heard. I'm gonna have to make you do that again." Brendon breathes into Ryan's mouth. "If you, you want me to—"

"Y-yes, Brendon." Ryan nods and answers between the kisses. "Please?"

Brendon smiles at Ryan. His eyes are glowing with joy from within. He thought he loved Sarah, but this must be what love really feels like. Happiness. Peace. Safe. And an overwhelming desire to do whatever it takes to make him feel just as euphoric.

They are laying on their sides, facing each other, kissing slowly. Brendon slowly places a hand under Ryan's shirt, on his hip. He cautiously moves his hand up Ryan's back, to his neck, and back down again. He slides his hand around to the front, slowly across his abdomen, up his chest, then to his neck. Brendon pauses the kisses, reaching with his other hand to pull Ryan's shirt off his torso. Ryan shifts his weight for Brendon's aid, but he can't help stop the reaction of his arm and hand covering his chest.

"Are you cold? We can get under the covers." Brendon replies, looking concerned and fearing he pushed Ryan too far out of his comfort zone.

"No. That's not it. I-I just—" Ryan looks down and away from Brendon's dark eyes.