Marrying My Best Friend

Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Mason Erwan Ashmore

Guilt is starting to cover me as I see her running. Guilt is such a bitch. It will cover you until you can't handle what its giving, what its making you feel. That guilt will break you, and must I say, I'm breaking right now. I can't help the tears running down on my cheeks. I know I don't have the right to cry and beg for her forgiveness, but I can't help it. I feel like the world hates me. But I don't care about the world right now. Because I just want Kitty's forgiveness.

I stand up and wipe the tears off my face, fix my disheveled shirt and take a deep, long breath. It doesn't make me feel any better like it usually does. I walk back to my apartment and see Lily fixing her shirt and she looks at me, but when she does, I look away. I'm ashamed of myself. I've cheated on Kitty. And that's the most stupid thing I've ever done in my whole life. Snapping my thoughts, I feel a hand on my shoulder and it belongs to Lily's. I mutter about she needs to go and she just goes. Good thing. I put myself at ease but that doesn't work. I only see Kitty crying and that makes me break again and again. Stupid me, why did I even have to love my best friend? My freaking best friend for Christ's sake! I put my face in my hands and feel the depression, the pain, the ache. Then I sleep unpeacefully.

Waking up, the first thing I feel is the ache in my heart that makes me flinch. I've had a nightmare. So I woke up in the middle of the morning, but then I was able to sleep again. Not peacefully at all. I stand up and make my way to the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. Fifteen minutes have passed and now do I realize that I'm making a French breakfast. I sigh, remembering Kitty's daily breakfast. I smile at the thought and eat. Gulping the hot chocolate, I take a bite of my French toast filled with butter and just a litte sugar on top. Sometimes, I dunk it in the chocolate and eat it. I learned that to Kitty. She has said, "It doesn't matter. If there's a liquid, then tada, there's a sauce. Just like I do in McDonald's; French fries deep in a Sundae ice cream!" Then she'd giggled. Then my smile falters as I remember Kitty crying again and that makes me almost cry but then I push the thought away and continue to eat.

Kitty is such a beautiful person. She doesn't deserve what I did to her. She's funny, easy-going, careful and almost perfect in her own way. Kitty likes to pout when she doesn't get what she wants. She'd pretend to cry and put saliva on the skin near her eyes for an effect, so it would seem like she's really crying. I fell for it twice. She's good at it. But then, I'm not going to fall for it again, because this time, she really is crying. Remembering last night, I groan again.

There was a knock on the door and I frowned. But then I thought it was Kitty so my face immediately lit up like a kid opening his gift on Christmas days. My heart was practically doing flip flops and I couldn't help the smile creeping up on my lips; my smile was so high it was reaching my ears. I quickly stood up and ran for the door to open it. But when I did, I felt my world went down. Disappointment took over and I scrunched up my nose in disgust as I saw Lily standing in front of me with a huge grin plastered across her lips. I just wanted to bitch slap here but that would make me rude and ungentleman. But whenever I face this bitch, all of my mom's teachings is fading in my mind and I just want to kick her ass. Lily makes me want to punch her on the face. She raised an eyebrow at me and I mumbled, "What?"

"Just checking you," she said, that stupid grin was still on her lips and seriously, I was just calming myself from throwing her out. I was really on the edge. My heart was going back to its normal beat, but it couldn't change the fact that I was really disappointed. A question struck me: Why did Lily have to go here? She could have texted me but instead she went here. I was guessing it was really a serious matter. This girl was like a stupid leech, always bugging me. She didn't seem affected to what happened earlier.

After that big incident of Kianna, Kitty's biological mother, and her sister Amelia, Lily wasn't shocked at all. She just stared at Kianna, then to her mother, back to Kianna. Then went back to being a bitch: just ignoring the world, pulled out her cellphone and started texting. I swear this girl has a freaking brain disorder or I don't know, something that is really harmful.

"I wanted to make sure you're doing fine," she said seductively, purring near my ear. Shivers went through up and down my spine as my mind processed what she was saying. It was a bad shiver. Like a shiver when an old woman was perving on you and you couldn't do something. "You know, I could make your night like heaven." I'm already in Hell, I thought. Since you came in here, I thought again.

Deciding that I should be a dick to her, I batted her hand away and glared at her. I couldn't care less, I just wanted her away. She gave me a tsk while shaking her head and I restrained myself from hitting her. I wanted to hit her so badly that I couldn't keep my hands from shaking. Shaking my head, I turned my back at her and she touched my shoulder. Again, that stupid shiver gave me a freaking disease, or so it just seemed to me. Turning around, I glared at her again, more poisonous this time she started to take step backwards, but after a full minute, she broke into a smirk.

"What do you want, Lily?" I growled at her. The disgust tone was evident on my voice. But that didn't make her go away. Instead, she put her hands on my shoulders and just stared at me. I raised my eyebrow, asking her what was this all about.

"I told you, I want to make you feel better." She said simply, giving me a smug look. I rolled my eyes at her and started to swat her hands away but she just clutched it tightly my shoulder was starting to hurt. I shook my head and completely shrugged her hands away from my shoulder, it was violent. Violent shrug.

I walked away from her and sat on the sofa, not doing anything. Then I stood up and walked towards the windows that overlook the city of Taguig. It's big. There were lights coming from the cars, considering my floor is 24th, the cars looked like a tiny objects. It was a heavy traffic. I looked up at the dark sky and the stars were staring at me so bright, and they were scattered; the moon was half but it was enough to give me a beautiful sight of it. It was just 7 in the evening.

Remembering earlier's scene, it was really bothering me. I was just standing in front of Kitty's apartment when a car pulled to a stop. I quickly hid because I know that car belongs to Liam. Kitty got out of the car and said thank you to Liam. I groaned. Seeing Kitty happy again made my heart bumped. But it couldn't hide the fact that she'd been crying; there were black bags underneath her eyes and she was still wearing her uniform. This was the first time Kitty had been so careless. Liam just waved dismissively at her and gave her a smile, then drove off to who knows what place. I so badly wanted to reach her, to put trail of kisses on her face but I just couldn't since, probably, she was still mad at me. Plus, I didn't know why I went here. To talk, apparently. My brain wasn't working so I didn't know what to say first or how to begin the conversation. So I went back to my apartment. I was sad while walking; seemed like I was lost and I just kept my eyes down. There were people bumping me but I didn't give a damn, so I just kept on walking.

I let out a sigh of frustration as this psycho woman came to me and put her hands around my waist and I immediately jumped out of her touch. Her touching me was like a punishment. I shook my head at her and started to walk away. But then a hand forcefully turned me to face her; to face the real life villain. If this were a cartoon, she would definitely be Ursula, or Maleficent, or Hades from Hercules movie!

"What?!" I shouted at her, flinching at my own words.

"Why don't you like me, Mason?" Lily said to me, her eyes were teary. For a moment, I pitied her, but it diminished when she shook me, shaking me out of my thoughts. "I can make you feel better just like Kitty does!"

"The hell you can, Lily!" I said. "You can't Lily, because you are not Kitty. You're not my wife! You're basically nothing to me!" I meant every words slipped out of my mouth, and I wasn't regretting it. Because it was freaking true. Then she started kissing me; my neck, my jaw and I tried to pry her hands away, to keep it from touching me. Then she started unbottoning my shirt. Then I gave up. "You like this, ha?" Then kissed her on the lips.

We stumbled inside my room and I ravished Lily's lips. She put her hands all over me, feeling me. I felt disgusted to myself, even ashamed as well. I never thought I would do this. I never thought I would cheat to my wife with this psycho bitch, but I guess I was desperate to make her gone. To make Lily gone. This was just a one night stand. A night to the 'mare'. This was a nightmare. We continued on kissing and she was unbuttoning my shirt again and I let her. And, admitting it to myself as well, I got drifted away. For some reason, my mind wandered to Kitty then I started to kiss Lily's neck, because I was thinking of Kitty. Then I went back to her lips again. Her unbuttoning my shirt wasn't successful because she kept drifting her hands to my stomach. I tugged at her lower lip and Lily moaned. My hand wandered to Lily's stomach, it's flat and soft in my hands. Then she tried to unbutton my shirt again, but this time, I helped her. When it was done, I took Lily's pink t-shirt and cupped, disgustingly as it seemed to me, her breasts. I admitted, she has big breasts for an 18 year old woman. I rested my hands on her hips as I continued on kissing her, ravishing her lips and there were moans and pants. I was breathless so I broke the kiss. I looked at Kitty... no, it wasn't Kitty, it's Lily. And I regretted kissing her. I was stupid and such a total jerk, desperate even.

When I looked up, that's when I saw Kitty crying silently, looking at us. I was shocked, my eyes were wide. Lily turning around, saw Kitty and, just like me, shock covered her innocent face. I quickly stood up and ran a hand through my hair. Fuck! She wasn't meant to see this! Oh God, fuck no!

Seeing her cry was breaking me into pieces and I just couldn't fight the guilt that was eating my soul. I took a step towards her and she stepped back, as if she was afraid of me, as if I was a threat to her.

"Don't..." She said, sounding broke, tears were still spilling down her cheeks. I restrained my hands, kept it to my side so I wouldn't brush the tears away off her face.

Taking a step again, I reasoned, "Kitty, I'm sorry. I love you, Kitty. Please believe me. It's just an accident. A mistake!" A mistake. I was on the verge of tears when she begged me to stop and that made me stop. I looked at her, confusion was drawn on my face as I searched for any trace of joking. But when she begged stop, it sounded like there was something wrong in it. A second meaning behind the first. "Kitty, I'm telling the truth. Please. Believe me, Kitty. I really love you!" For some reason, I didn't even know why I said it's a mistake. But then, I was confused.

"Stop, Mason! I don't want to believe you!" She bursted, angry expression crossing on her face. For a moment, I shrank. Kitty was mad at me. I wanted it to stop; to stop this. But I couldn't. It happened and I couldn't—can't—go back to the past. If I could, I definitely would. But this wasn't some fairytable. This was reality. "You said you loved me! I guess it's just a show." She faked a laugh, menacingly and disgusted, mainly by me. "I dreamed, wished, begged. Everything. That one time, you could love me. That you would love me. But I guess it's not happening."

"Why don't you believe me, Kitty?! I really love you! I love you very much!" I said, regaining my confidence. I wanted her to believe me, to stick with me but no, she didn't. Of course, I was stupid to think of that. She turned her back at me and ran. Much worse, I didn't stop her from running. Instead, I just looked at her retreating figure as the tears began to pour out of my eyes.

I take a deep breath and push the memory away. I take a quick shower, debating if I should make up with Kitty. Yes, I must try it. I wrap a towel around my waist and get out of the bathroom, then head to my cabinet. Opening it, I pick up a plain black t-shirt and a jeans and pick my black Vans. I wear it and check myself in the mirror. Coming my hair using my hands, I smile but it's not genuine. It's a sad and full of longing smile.

When I'm done beautifying myself, I get out of my apartment, get inside my car and what? I don't know where Liam lives. Kitty is probably there. With him. Liam comforting him and suddenly, I have the urge of breaking his bones into millions of pieces. Fisting my hands, it begins to turn to white and I calm myself, not wanting to break anything. I try to go to their school and wait for it. STI College is pretty small for me. It has 8 floors, the 8th floor being the gym. But I guess it's enough to fit the students here. They don't have a pool for their swimming class when they reach PE4. Instead, they'll go to Army Gym and there are pools there. Kitty told me about it.

Waiting, every minute, I check my watch. There are students eyeing me again just like the last time and I just ignore them. I sigh and get out of here before the girls kill me with their looks. I'm for Kitty only. Only for Kitty. Walking to where my car is parked, in the parking lot of STI, the college has underground, or basement, or parking lot. Whatever. I get in my car and start the engine, the car roaring into life. Then I drive.

On the road, I start to practice what I'm going to say to her. Preparing myself, I try to calm myself down as I near her apartment's building. I take a deep, long breath and the nervous is still inside me, making me tremble. I don't even know if Kitty's here so I guess trying won't make me a dead person. When I reach her apartment's building, I park the car in the parking lot and ready myself, then get inside the building. Hitting the 15th floor, the elevator begins to lift up. Good thing the elevator isn't packed, so I'm alone. I talk loudly, repeating what would I say to her face when I reach her apartment.

Standing in front of her apartment, panic takes over my body, to the point where I'm deciding if I should continue this or not. Fighting against it, I knock on the door loudly. Then the door swings open and it reveals freaking angry Liam. His fist is flying so I quickly duck. My blood is boiling at the sight of him, and just by thinking of him spending time with my Kitty makes me want to beat him to a pulp.

"Fuck you, Mason!" He shouts, his hands are pinned on his back by me. "I told you I'd take her away from you if you hurt her. You did hurt her!"

"I want to talk to her," I say, snarling at him. "So you better back off or there would be blood in here." I add, threatening him. He makes a face and I twist his arms again, making him groan. Oh I love the hurt expression on his face. Smirking at him, I shoot him a look.

"I won't let you, you little asshole!" He says, glaring at me. I want to break his arms and just punch him. Punch after punch. This guy is making my self-restrain lose.

Then a voice stops me. Her voice. I so want to hear her voice again. "Mason, stop that!" I quickly release Liam and he groans, glaring at me. I'm just looking at Kitty. She's much better right now. She's wearing a blue t-shirt and a black leggins; she's also barefoot. Liam is on his way to me, raising his fist when Kitty stops him. "Cut it out, Liam. I'll deal with this myself. Thank you, Liam. For everything." Kitty gives Liam a smile and I just want to block it. You know, when we were kids, I believed that when someone made a flying kiss, if I block it, it wouldn't reach the other person. But I fight against it. Liam calms down, shoots me a glare and gives me eye gesture that says 'I'm watching you' and heads off.

"What are you doing here?" She asks. And the world is staring to crumble.