The Little Book of Cheering Up

Breathe

Hello. 

I had a bad day today. I don't know what went wrong. I had a nice week, talked to people, laughed with family,  had time to eat and sleep and drink water.

little things to make me feel better, y'know?

but things were different today. why?

i started to cry while i was making breakfast.

my world is crashing falling, caving in as i break a little more. 

but as my lungs struggle for more air, the future turns murky, shrouding my future. 

I'm scared.

so scared that i won't make it,

scared that i can't do it,

scared that i'll fail

scared to let others down

scared to feel their shame on top of mine.

I'm frustrated.

frustrated because a lot of my issues are my fault,

frustrated because the issues that aren't my fault end up my fault,

frustrated that there's no one to blame but me for my mistakes

frustrated that no one can see past my wall

frustrated i can't open up.

I'm worried.

worried that my fears will become reality,

worried i won't become who i want to be,

worried i can't find myself

worried i can't find peace

worried for everything

worried for nothing.

But as I sit in my room, the fear claws up my throat, threatening to swallow me into its gaping, dark, abyss. I call a friend. she helps me breathe until I am steady and undoubtedly more calm than before; not fine, because that's not the case yet. everything still hurts. when she hangs up, I take my notebook and write. it's just one word that sends my pen flying across the page. soon, I feel somewhat better.

I'm calm.

calm after talking to someone i trust,

calm after releasing the energy,

calm to let go of some stress

calm to release tensions

calm to find a solution

calm enough to work it out

calm enough to continue

calm enough 

Someone  out there loves me, and that someone always has my back no matter how bad it seems. it is hard work, but with a little calm, the boat in the storm becomes the boat in a puddle. untouched and unable to hurt you. 

Now, I'm going to drink some tea and do some breathing exercises so i can feel better. you can join me!

In....

Out...

In...

Out...

You're doing great friend, promise me you'll keep breathing and I'll promise to breathe for you.