we are not the same
and you know it now as you did then
your lack of existence is no different
than how it's been for nine years
but it couldn't be more concrete than now
it used to drive me mad
i used to not understand
and let it crawl inside
it was on purpose and i let it hide
but i'm face to face with the afterthoughts
and how ugly they have become
you drove us on the highway
and jumped out the door
you were dead on arrival at the hospital door
or so we were told
but we should've known you'd show up
ghosts like to haunt
apparitions like to shock
and you electrocuted us with dismay
you were blood to me
but you're nothing more than dirt now
i don't want you to think that i care
believe me, i don't
but i can't help but feel guilt
these questions and thoughts
they ponder your demise
were we too much?
did you ever think of us?
did you ever consider help?
or try to change?
did you want us in your life at all?
or were we an unfortunate step in your vicious cycle?
did i ever get to you
deep inside your mind?
were your thoughts too much
for you to find a guide?
did we ever reach you?
somewhere down inside?
was the thought of us
enough to break you even further?
and even if i asked you all this
would you even tell me the truth?
i doubt it, and even then i believe it
the most painful fact of this all
is that i'll never truly know
what drove you to bring harm to those you know
or if you even loved us at all.
