Hooked [Complete]

33. Ostara Part 6: Sins of Neglect

Author's Note: So...this chapter is next level. Not only does it explain why Cernunnos and Cerridwen REALLY broke up (you knew there was more to the story, right?) it also changes everything going forward. 

Song for this chapter: Broken by Seether and Amy Lee. There is so much power and pain in this song, but there is still love. And I think it's perfect for where Hearne and Carrie have to go in their heads and hearts to have this conversation, so it represents both of them.

Cernunnos's POV:

"Thank you," I repeat.

We need to have this conversation, but I don't know how to begin.

Cerridwen eyes me. "I didn't realize Sean's scent bothered you that much."

I rub my hornless head, and grunt. "His scent on you is worse than the Roman's ever could be, because it smells of more than just desire. I'm glad," I say quickly, "it's just...new. I'll get used to it," I promise.

"Well, if it's any consolation, I hate seeing you with Dru," she spits.

I resist the urge to shake that little red-headed goddess until her teeth rattle in her head. If she hates seeing me with Dru, why doesn't she just fucking surrender to me? I have begged for her to come back to me for two thousand years. I'm done begging. I told her by the lake, I would not ask again. I will not. I know she still loves me, but not enough. Not enough to trust that I won't hurt her again. Not more than her freedom. She's made that abundantly clear.

So I say, "Believe me Sweetheart, I understand how it chafes. But we are severed now, by your choice. And we have a thing to deal with. Something is going on here. "

"Don't Sweetheart me. I can't believe you brought back fucking Druantia..." Carrie mumbles and kicks one of the bricks.

"I didn't bring her back. We don't know that she's Druantia," I lie. I don't really believe that. "We don't know anything, for sure," I remind her.

"Of course she's Druantia!" Carrie yells. "It makes perfect sense. Your Pantheon is rising again, and she's the first one to return, because she's the one you want! You always did, ever since you met her."

"I did not always want Druantia. Stag, Carrie, she was a child when I met her."

"She was the same age as I was when you met me," Carrie snarled, and I stepped back in surprise. Was Carrie actually right about that? Perhaps my perspective had changed in the ten thousand years since I claimed my goddess and when I met the young, terrified witch the Druids had rescued from being burned, the witch too powerful to be controlled, the witch they appealed to me to tame. Or perhaps Cerridwen just seemed older because even starving, even put out by her tribe--had always been strong, unafraid of me. But she had not suffered in the same ways as Druantia, who had been traumatized at the hands of men. Druantia had seemed so much younger, so much more vulnerable than Carrie ever had.

Of course, I could not tell Carrie any of this. She would only accuse me of loving Druantia more than her because she was still mortal, and Carrie had been unbreakable for millennia by then.

"Druantia was one of thousands of Priestesses I empowered for the good of humanity. I only ever wanted one of them by my side, in my bed. I only ever thought one was strong enough to be my mate, my help-mate, to bear the burden of divinity. You know this; don't pretend like it wasn't always you." I say obstinately. "You abandoned me to go to Ireland from Ostara to Litha every year for a decade before I met Druantia."

"I went to Ireland for work. I came home at Beltane, every year, to fulfill my obligation to you."

Obligation. It still hurts when she says it like that. By the end, there was only obligation in our Divine Act. I could barely make it happen, on my own.