September 26th , 2018 . I was becoming depressed again , tired mostly and hungry .
Something happened and I don't want to speak of it but thank you for doing this to me :) I love taking a nap in first period and having my friend let me use her tea flavoring for my water 2 times and almost passing out at least 7 times that day , I appreciate it.
First day ; I was becoming tired when 2nd period was done i catched up with my friend , let's call him A . He's a 8th grader who plays basketball and a brother to me , I told him how tired I was and he suggested I needed more sleep . I didn't notice it was my depression at first but I took his advice and slept at 9PM .
Second day ; I could barely even get up in the morning I laid there till I had enough strength to pick up my phone and see if Sunshine Boy aka my boyfriend had texted me , he didn't but he usually woke up during this hour so I texted him . Next thing I did was wait for him then afterwards get ready for school ,
Getting ready wasn't really hard I had food to help my balance . I was still tired and when I got on the bus I instantly almost fell asleep on my friend L , when we got to school I met up with Sunshine Boy and we went to the cafeteria . His friend A who's also my friend but I met him from Sunshine Boy , I was complaining how tired I was and they kept telling me to sleep but I kept saying " I can't I'm in school " eventually when I got to 1st period I did my work and was finished . My teacher came by and pat me on the back and I told him how tired I was ; he agreed to let me sleep so I did for 13 minutes then since we are allowed to have snacks in the class I turned on my computer screen ate my grapes and was still tired .
2nd Period came and I was still tired , I was grumpy like hell almost and I saw my friend who sat next to me . She had her water bottle open and owned the tea flavoring so she added that to her water and I stared for a few minutes ; when we were allowed to work together I asked if I could have some and she let me .
That kept me a bit awake for 3rd and 4th period . She was in the same class for 5th period so I asked her again and she said yes so afterwards I thanked her a lot went on with my day .
Even tho I had my tea I was really tired any moment that passed by I was still going to pass out . I walked home that day with my friend ; my friend and I said our goodbyes and left . I went home still almost passing out of tiredness I got home safe and ate dinner then laid in bed , I knew I had to keep staying up so I refused the right to take a nap , I know this is my fault for that but I can't blame myself for something I can't control . I had to get on with my day it was 5PM and I had somewhere to be!
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present aka now ; I'm still tired and still refuse to nap but I just need to write this because whoever you are and you know who you are . Thank you for not accepting me I appreciate that and shame myself everyday , thanks . Also being tired is one of the major parts in depression and I struggled with self love and no ashame for a few days till I knew that it's not my fault I can't control what I like but if I'm not shaming someone else I shouldn't feel ashamed for my likings ; being tired effected me the most and so did wanting to die God damn I hated myself .
