the entrails of my heart

the endless current

"okay" we say "i'm okay" and put on a smile
"okay" we say when people ask how we are
"okay" we are, or at least pretend to be
"okay" she said, before putting on a smile
"okay" she sighed, admitting defeat
"i'm okay." she said, and kept swimming.

she tried to swim, to stay afloat, but every time she came up to breathe, water flooded into her mouth. she tried harder, pushing past the waves and kicking with all her might, the current only seemed to get stronger. she had her mind set, to get to the shore, for there she'd be okay. she took a deep breath and swam with all her might, not getting anywhere before the water pushed her back. she tried staying still, but the waves would wash over her. she felt powerless, yet she kept swimming. hoping, praying, that she would get to that shore where everything would be okay. panic was in her throat, her lungs felt empty, anxious for air, her mind was crazed for a breath, for a break. just give in, let the water wash over you the voice said, but her body refused to listen, refused to sink. it only became more stubborn, fighting against the quiet voice. she was torn. as every stroke got harder, as she got more exhausted, the voice only got louder. it seemed she would never reach the shore, that her fight was all for nothing. she struggled, trashed between the current, hanging by a thread in the simple balance. she refused to let the water wash over her, well her body did. but the voice became more powerful, and something clicked. she would never get to the shore, and getting there only meant endless swimming in the overpowering darkness, all worth nothing. she took a deep breath, and let the current wash over her. swept away by the waves, engulfed in nothing but darkness.