Government Mother

Chapter four. ~ Hospital scares and realisations

I was seriously begin to question this whole 'nothing to worry about'. Grace had not stopped crying. This was now the second bottle she'd brought up, and the 5th hour she'd been more or less non stop crying. Melissa was going crazy because Grace was and all my knowledge seemed to slip out the window. I knew from Mia there was over panicking, but there was also no such thing as being to careful, there's a very fine line between the both... so I called 999.

I had to go outside carrying a crying Grace in my arms and a crying Melissa in the car seat I found by the porch door, just to find the address.

Once the paramedics arrived they took her temperature, said something about airway management and bundled us into the ambulance.

All I could thing was not again.

This just got scarily real. Why would my own mum sign me up for something like this? Why on earth would 'professionals' leave a tiny days old baby with a teenager when she could be in a life threatening situation such as not being able to breathe.
It's almost like they were setting me up to fail, they wanted something bad to happen to her on my watch.

In the haze and fright of the moment all I'd picked up was my purse and the house keys I found on the table. I didn't even think to bring or back a baby bag. I know great mom moment huh.

So when Melissa, now in my arms started pawing at my shirt and doing the mewling sounds that turned into a cry I knew I'd just had my first failure, and as bad of me as it was in the moment all I could think was please don't let them record this.

Luckily one of the paediatric ? nurses took pity on me and took me down to a little room on the maternity ward with rocking chairs and bought me a bottle and a blanket. With a promise to find me once the doctor had seen Grace, she was gone as soon as she'd come.

I was torn. Melissa needed me to focus and stay calm, but what if Grace needed me and I wasn't there? They say you need eyes in the back of your head and almost four arms to be a mother, I didn't think I'd know what they meant quite so soon.

The whole point is not to 'fail'. But you know what I'm human, I'm 18 for crying out loud. The only mothers I know that are 18 live on the 'flat' road and half of them are on drugs or look twice their age and the other half are trying and trying but getting nowhere.

Why was Project M a thing? Why did they move the deadline? How could they have so many poor innocent babies that something like this could happen?

So many questions, so many things wrong. No clear answer or path.

Melissa had fallen asleep in my arms, I was scared to move because this was the first time she was asleep all night, but the longer it got the more I began to worry. More people had been in and out and still nothing.

I had to find someone. Grace needed me, but what if I moved and then they couldn't find me?

An alarm was going off. I tried to remember which way the nurse bought me. Was that Grace? We're a team of doctors trying to work to save her little body? Was the time in the ambulance the last time I'd ever see her? Grace was no longer a strange baby to me anymore she was Gracie, my Gracie.

Oh god. Who would tell her mother? 9 months and the poor ..

"Miss Luca-Delamore?"

"How's Grace? Is she okay? Is she breathing? Can I see her?"

"Grace is up on the NICU ward, which stands for neonatal intensive care unit. She is stable now, but a doctor on the ward will be able to give you a better picture of her situation and what the next steps are .. if you'd like to follow me I'll take you up there."

As we were walking towards the lift I could see the nurse glancing at me every now and then. It wasn't until we were in the lift though that she said anything.

"You're part of project M aren't you? You're the 6th one we've had in the hour. First one with two kids though. I don't have long before the lift stops, all I'll say though I'd be careful, especially with Grace. Get the paperwork though and signed as soon as you can. Get as much information from the doctor before you go. I'm going to slip a number into your pocket. Don't use it unless it's an emergency. It must be an emergency that's very important okay?"

With that someone else had entered the lift and we went up to the neonatal ward is silence apart from Melissa's baby noises.

After we arrived on the ward the nurse showed me to the open incubator that Grace was in, she was crying, not full out crying like I'd seen her do, but instead little mewling noises. My first instinct was to pick her up, with with all the wires attached I didn't want to hurt her or disconnect one.

One of the other nurses checking the board that was beeping said she'd help me take her out one she was finished her checks and that the night visitor had been contacted and would be bringing a bad of essentials and one of the carry cots for Melissa. She wouldn't meet my eye though when I asked her what was wrong with Grace, just said that the doctor would be on his round in a few hours and she was stable, and the monitors would alert them if that changed.

I sat there singing all the lullabies I could think of and just talking to Grace, until she was finally asleep. I sat there watching her and listening to the beeps of the monitors in the neonatal room, the nurses words were ringing through my head on repeat. "Get the paperwork through and signed as soon as you can." I didn't know what it meant but I just knew that I would and I had to do everything in my power to make these girls mine and keep them as safe as I possibly could.