What It Takes to Lose

Chapter 1

Ana is never going to leave. Neither are the scars on my stomach or the scars on my wrist or the voices in my head or the urge to vomit every time I smell frosting.

I don't think there's a single girl who has gone through middle school without feeling self-conscious about her body. I was no exception. From twelve to fourteen my friends and I critiqued our figures in front of mirrors at sleepovers and drank in images of stick-thin models in fashion magazines stolen from someone's older sister. High school just added guys three years older than us to impress.

By my junior year, I was aching to be like the girls on the glossy pages. I mean, they were flawless. Their skin glowed and their flat stomachs didn't stick out even a centimeter over their size-0 jeans. There was never a hair out of place or so much as a pimple to be seen on any of these women I began to idolize. I ached with longing as I stared at them, but I never did anything about it. I just continued to live my life the way any normal girl should. And I wish it had stayed that way.

Then came Matt Bradbury. And, like every great high school love story, I needed him and was willing to do anything to make that happen. Matt was the handsome senior who was captain of the baseball team and drove his dad's old convertible and wore shorts no matter how cold it was outside. I had always known who he was (who didn't?) but it wasn't until that fateful day in November when I dropped my binder in the hallway and went home thinking I was on Cloud Nine that everything changed.

That day had been like any other, and as usual, I was trudging down the hall on my way to biology when I tripped over my own feet and my binder fell out of my arms. I reached desperately to catch it, but I was still holding three textbooks and a water bottle, so all I accomplished was looking like a fool.

I watched helplessly as papers and notes scattered across the floor, and I felt my face begin to burn with embarrassment. I was in the senior hallway, and while a hundred pairs of upperclassmen eyes stared at me, no one came forward to help. I leaned down and began gathering my things as quickly as I could when I noticed another hand scooping up my geometry homework. I looked up and found myself staring directly into a pair of beautiful hazel eyes. They had some sort of magnetic effect because I couldn't seem to pull myself away. After a few awkward seconds, the person attached to those eyes cleared his throat. That woke me up and I looked away, my cheeks burning even more.

"Uh, here," the person said, handing me several sheets of paper.

Finally gathering up the courage to look him full on, I turned my gaze to my rescuer.

Which was a terrible idea, because once I saw Matt in his entirety I was even more speechless than before. I couldn't decide what I liked more, his flawless dark skin, his smooth, muscular arms, or those eyes that I couldn't seem to get over. Another few seconds went by.

"Um...you okay?" he asked a little uncomfortably.

The frog in my throat finally left.

"Yes," I gasped. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, flashing me a brilliant white smile.

Wow.

He stood up and offered me a hand. I grabbed it hoping I wasn't sweating too badly.

When I had everything secure in my arms once again, I looked back at Matt and gave what I hoped was a grateful smile.

He looked back kindly, like I was a scared toddler. As he turned to leave, he paused and looked over his shoulder.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Eve Allred," I replied in a shaky voice.

Uh, why did I announce my last name?