It's Not Me, It's Depression

It's Not Me, It's Depression *Could Be Triggering But Also Helping*

Depression.... Such a small word with an awfully big and terrible meaning. It's became such a pattern in the past few years. It seems like most of the teenagers in this world are going through depression.

How the hell do you even know you're depressed? When you feel sad? Lonely? Or when you make your first cut or burn?

I've been depressed since I was 8 and I didn't even know about it. Only two years ago I found out how depressed I really am and I'm 17 today. And to think it only started with realizing what my last name means...

Any of you who suspects they go through a depression or are heading towards that way but don't wanna go to a shrink and check out if it's true or wait till you hit the bottom and do a bad thing to yourself, I'm gonna tell you right now the steps you go through while being depressed.

1) Sleeping too much, or not sleeping enough.

2) Concentration problems more than usual.

3) Thinking negative thoughts whether it's wanted or not.

4) Appetite or weight changes.

5) Much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual.

6) Reckless behavior (consuming more alcohol if you drink, or engage in other reckless behavior that didn't exist before)

7) Loss of interest in daily activities.

8) Self-loathing.

9) Unexplained aches and pains (headaches, back pains, aching muscles and stomach pain)

10) Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

11) You laugh and cry at times that don’t call for it.

If you got any of these symptoms, well, congratulations, or should I say, unfortunately, you're depressed or heading down that road.

Causes and risk factors for depression:

Loneliness

Lack of social support

Recent stressful life experiences

Family history of depression

Marital or relationship problems

Financial strain

Early childhood trauma or abuse

Alcohol or drug abuse

Health problems or chronic pain

Warning signs of suicide include talking about killing or harming one’s self, expressing strong feelings of hopelessness or being trapped, an unusual preoccupation with death or dying, acting recklessly as if they have a death wish, calling or visiting people to say goodbye, getting affairs in order (giving away prized possessions, tying up loose ends), saying things like "everyone would be better off without me" or "I want out", a sudden switch from being extremely depressed to acting calm and happy

If you know someone that does any of that, go help them because they're not joking. And if you're the one who does that, get help. People DO care about you even if you think they don't, trust me. Ask the person you care about the most or the person you thought used to love you more than anything and will always care about you, what they'd feel or do if you told them you're gonna kill yourself, and you'll see they'll be worried.

After all of this, this "story" is not here to criticize anyone or make them feel worse. Try to think as if you're the person saying all that and feeling all this and try to find a way out. Suicide is not the answer. It's just the easy way out from a really complicated place.

I know it seems tempting, trust me, but you gotta think about your future. It won't always be like this. When you're old enough, you'll move out into a different place and start a new life. It might seem far and most probably impossible right now, but trust me it isn't. People out there are different from the ones in your city, in your school. Some might bully you, yes, but you can walk away and might as well never see their stupid faces ever again.

Don't give up, sweetie. You don't deserve to leave this world that way because of this reason. They don't deserve your blood on their hands. Not the bullies, not your father, not your mother, not your siblings, nobody deserves to be the reason why you died. The only thing that does deserve it is your old age.

Oh, and most of the things I say here are not specifically about me, or did I ever experience those things in my life. I'm just trying to reach out to everyone and help as much as I can, make you feel like you're not alone, because despite I didn't go through the same things you did, I still went through some things and I am depressed as well so I can somewhat relate. I'm mostly just trying to explain the ones that don't suffer from depression or self harm how we feel when we do it or when we have random "thoughts" or such as.

TRIGGER WARNING BUT CAN ALSO HELP. I'm talking graphically sometimes but some parts might help you. It's up to you.

I love you. I care. You are not alone.