It's Not Me, It's Depression

12 - Recovery

There's one thing worse than depression and it is recovery.

It's like climbing up that brier hedge in the Sleeping Beauty fairytale. Too damn hard and painful.

At first you need to convince yourself to stop harming yourself, then you need to control your need to not only do it but maybe even get worse. You need to shut the voices inside your head, which every person that has demons knows it's close to impposible, but you still try your hardest.

Then, you try to find something to distract your mind. You start a new hobby. Paint, dance, read, or do whatever you like. You do well for a while, getting used to the new situation, until one day somebody breaks that wall you built and hurts you really bad.

The demons are back, the pain is back, the hobby doesn't help anymore and you know you'd have to start all over again if you truly want to stop and get better. Then you realize how much progress you've made before that person came and threw all your effort to waste and ruined it for you, and you realize that you can't go through that discourging and tiring recovery again, so you decide to give up and it makes you hate yourself even more because you keep thinking what a pussy you are.

Well, why not instead of insutling yourself and calling yourself a fucking pussy, you show yourself that you CAN do it? That you ARE capable of controling your needs and recovering and getting better?

You hit the bottom of the ocean and then tired your body out by swimming all the way up with a small amount of air in your lungs, almost reaching the surface. Don't let yourself drown again just because a random, meaningless fish got in your way and shoved you back down a little. Keep swimming until you reach the surface because YOU CAN DO IT.

Times will get tough, but you're a wonderful swimmer and you will always manage to get back to the surface for air because you are so strong. And who knows, maybe you'll even reach the shore and be able to lie on the sand for a while and rest your eyes. You are capable of reaching the highest limit and staying there and no one will pull you down from there unless you let them. You are strong as long as you fight. Once you give up, it all goes to waste. Never forget that.