Finding Me

Hot Grits

"I got some hot grits on the stove. Lisa, why don't you give Carlos some?"

I rolled over on the floor and winced from the sharp sunlight causing a slight headache. Then sat up slowly while staring at the TV, watching the iconic 'hot grits' scene unfold. My mind flashed back to yesterday with Zaad and suddenly Carlos' face was replaced with his and mine with Lisa's. I wanted to give him all the gut-wrenching pain I was feeling, make him feel exactly how I felt. From the corner of my eye I saw Jalin's sprawled out body. Even with drool running down her chin and yellow colored crust in her eyes she was still a sight for sore eyes. No wonder Tezhi loves her so much. She has a killer body, stunning face, and the clearest prettiest chocolate brown skin you will ever see plus she doesn't take anyone's bullshit. Her eyes fluttered open and she craned her neck to look up at me.

"So is that Zaad and you you're imagining?" God she knows me so well.

We watched as Carlos yelped in pain from the hot grits while Lisa's engagement ring dropped and clinked on the hardwood floor.

It was 12:48 PM on a Saturday, me and Jalin had a lot to do. Get graduation outfits, makeup, book hair appointments, etc.

"C'mon get up Jai we have shit to get done!"

"Noooo don't make me! I'm still tired!" She groaned.

"Get up lazy bitch!" I stood up and hovered over her, reached down and grabbed both of her hands in an effort to yank her up. But due to her strength and gravity's influence I fell right on top of her. We bursted out in laughter as I rolled over to her left.

"Damn Jai why are you so thick!" I complained but I didn't really mean it. I wish I had her curves.

"I can't help what I was blessed with!" She raised her eyebrows with arrogance.

But before I could fire back with something witty, my phone started buzzing. I reached over to grab it and stared at the screen. Zaad. My throat tightened and my heart raced. I felt the threatening and familiar sting of tears. Jalin took one look at my face and then the screen, snatched my phone and answered.

"Well hello fuck face!" She greeted him in a cheery tone and put him on speaker.

"Well hello to you too Jalin, I'm guessing Kami told you. Where is she? Can I just talk to her please?" Hearing him refer to me as Kami sent a blade through my chest.

"She doesn't want to talk to you ass wipe! What could you possibly do but make things worse!" Jalin was not showing him any mercy and even though he deserved every word I held out my hand, gesturing for her to hand me the phone. She handed it over unwillingly.

I took him off speaker and pressed the phone to my ear. "Hi Zaad." I tried my best to sound dry and emotionless.

"Hey Kami." I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt the blade in my chest turn.

"Don't call me Kami. What do you want?"

"I... I'm sorry for not giving you a real explanation yesterday. Can we talk after grad practice on Monday? I at least owe you the truth."

I didn't say anything for a bit. I was thinking it over in my head. Would this be a good idea?

"Please Kami... sorry Kamiran?" I could hear sincerity in his voice.

"Fine Zaad." That was all I could get out before my voice started shaking.

"Ok good, I'll see you then."

"Bye."

Jalin gave me the "get me hip" look.

"He wants to give me the real explanation of why he broke up with me on Monday after grad practice."