"I'm broken, truly broken. How does a single person make your heart mushy? Can I even describe it that way? I...I want to be held ever so tightly in cold....warm arms. Don't get me wrong, I will rather have both than one. Love. Love. Love. Can love be more than a noun? Can I describe it as an adjective or, or a verb. Yes, a verb is one way to put it right?
I want to also hold my dear person tightly. It has really been so long. I can barely stand the pressure of not being able to think straight. My head is pounding, pounding like a hammer punching a nail. Well, in this case, I'm the nail and my head is the hammer. Ha, if that makes sense.
I was told that once you've found a person who makes you go...boing...they'll be the only person who'll make you go boing. Goodness, this is not making sense. I want it to make sense. I love you, I love you so much. So much...that it hurts. That I am ready to...give......up...on you. I want both, love and pain, but I can't handle both.
The pain stands for waiting to tell you, the love is for when I finally tell you. Wich I won't do. I will never tell you in person at least. Can I describe pain as love? It suits the word entirely. I hope I can make an explanation out of this. I am not gonna last long, Tord. So while you listen to this. Remember that I still hate you too. I love you, as well as hating you. They're the same thing for me.
I will never see you again after this, ha. I also hate you for ignoring my feelings. Could I have made it any more obvious to you? I showered you in my love, did I not? Yet, you chose her. A girl you've barely met. What was her name again? Stallia? I actually like that name.
I'm broken. Like I said in the very beginning, how can my enemy make me so mushy. How can my enemy make me question every thing I do? Haha, I've came to realize that it's called love. Aaaannndd, it was one sided.
I'm sick Tord. I have failed lungs. Is it from all those times I've drank without a second thought? Or is it from the thorns I'm coughing up along side the red blood stained petals? Probably both. It's been so long since we've gotten along. Between the fights and other stuff, I've been enjoying the fact we still talk. Yeah, you do pissed me off, but that's normal. What's love without pain.
I can't stand it any more. I've recorded messages to Edd and Matt as well. Haha, commie, I hate you."
I press pause. Can have another fucking chance? Warm. I feel warmth running down my cheeks. I have no right to cry. He died because of me. And now Edd and hopefully Matt knows that. I'm sorry, Tom.
I should've known from all along. I should have known. You made the signs so clear. I, I just ignored it all. Forgive me Tom. I am a foolish man. A foolish, and blind man.
One day....one day...,I wish to start over and see you again. Because my words will never describe the stabbing pain I feel in my heart. Why are you so beautiful? Your words amaze me. I never once thought you could says things other than swears.
Was all of your drunken words slurrs of the truth.?
Oh god, Thomas. I want to give you the world and more. I'm so sorry. It's been so long since I've said sorry.
It's been so long since I've heard such amazing cracks in sincere words.
It's been so long since I've yearned for something that use to be pointless to me.
It's been so long since I've heard you actual voice laugh.
It's been so long.
Hello guys, sorry for not updating for so long. Please forgive me. Annnnnddd....what do you think? What me to continue this?
