(I hope this makes sense cause I'm exhausted)
Taymor
"I don't know."
"I like all of them honestly."
"Nah you gotta chose." I tell Kentrell as we sat on my porch at now like 2 o'clock in the morning.
"Well...I guess I'm a winter person." He shrugged. "I like this time of the year."
"Can't relate." I shook my head.
"Winter is wack and everything dies. The only good thing is probably the holidays."
"Like Christmas?" Kentrell asked.
"You like that type of stuff?"
"Yeah." I shrugged.
"I've always liked Christmas, especially when things are lit up and decorated it's kind of...nice..." I trailed off.
"Besides, all this snow plus slipping on ice and the rain, is a pain."
"What do you like then?" Kentrell asked.
"Eh. I'm more of a summer person." I admit.
"When it's warmer everything is just a little more happier, you know?"
"Yeah, I can understand where you're coming from. I do get depressed as fuck in the winter."
"Exactly." I sighed.
"I start thinking about areas of life I fucked up in, feeling like I'm never going to be anywhere significant in the future and also just realizing how lonely I really am, like how life would be if I never found anybody type shit."
"I feel you." Kentrell agreed.
"I haven't had a real relationship in a while either." He said looking down at his feet.
"Like how long?" I asked slightly interested in the answer.
"About a few months...like 5 I guess." He said not thinking too hard about it. "She didn't seem like she cared too much about me honestly."
She?...OH.
"You're Bi?"
He shrugged looking up at me.
"I just...I like people."
I nodded and bit the skin of my lip slowly, in thought.
"What about you though?" He asked snapping me out of it.
"Huh? Me what?"
"Relationship wise..." He reminded me.
"Oh...um, I h-had somebody a little while ago too." I lied straight through my teeth, knowing the closest thing I ever had to a real relationship was Nick, and that's saying ALOT.
"It didn't work out between us either but you know....shit happens." I said building on it as if it were true.
"You know what I mean?"
"Yeah, I know what you mean." He chuckled, making me frown.
"What?" I asked.
"You know you don't have to lie right?"
I groaned.
"I'm no-
"I can tell Taymor." He sighed.
"You don't seem like you've ever been in a real relationship honestly." He said.
I looked off to the side and scoffed.
"So I'm right?" He asked with a laugh.
"No!" I lied again.
"What makes you think that anyway?"
"You seem to have this idea that being anything but a top makes you even gayer than you already are right?" He asked.
"Well-
"The thing is, its nothing but personal preference Taymor. Regardless of whichever way you'd rather have it, that doesn't make you any less or more gay and that's just facts."
"The fact that you haven't figured that out by now let's me know way more about you than you think and it makes the fact that you haven't ever been with a guy obvious."
"I h-have had sex before." I defended.
"I didn't mean it that way." Kentrell sighed.
"But let me guess...it was Nick?"
I widened my eyes as he waited for me to confirm it like he already knew.
"Why do you think that?" I asked with a now warm face.
"Ever since you told me about the brief time y'all were together some things are starting to add up." He explained.
"I also started to realize that y'all are kinda touchy-feely." He continued, making me raise my eyebrow.
"Not in a sexual way but in that kind of way when you've already seen someone naked before so you're comfortable around them type way." He continued.
"Y'all probably just used each other for the experience though."
"How do you know it wasn't genuine?" I questioned. "I really did love Nick at the time all that went down and I still do."
"That kind of thing is normal." He sighed.
"Tell me if I'm wrong but this is how the relationship went:
You and Nick probably had so much sexual frustration and hormones building up y'all took it out on each other which led to y'all having little crushes on each other right?" Kentrell asked, making me nod as I thought about it.
"Seeing as how y'all already knew each other so well, it wasn't hard to get comfortable enough to express feelings that you had at the time, right?" I nodded again.
"So y'all ended up in a puppy love kind of relationship and had sex but it was more of the experimental kind, cause Nick was your first right?" I nodded another time now questioning everything.
"Do you get my point Taymor?" He asked.
I shook my head in honesty as he sighed.
"I'm going to let you sleep on it." He said getting up and stretching his legs.
"You're leaving?" I asked looking up at him.
"Yeah. It's real late." He yawned.
I nodded understandingly and watched silently as he walked from my porch back to his car.
He nodded his head at me in a "see you later" kind of way and I returned it as he got in the car and started it up, driving away.
Now sitting in lonesome silence, my brain started replaying the conversation and I zoned out in thought about it.
I can already tell this is going to have me up all night and I really am dreading the fact that it is.
