Mah Diary of Randomness

Ex-Girlfriends Suck I Guess? (Duet with Myself- Ex Girlfriends Suck!)

Boyfriend: 

Hey baby. I wrote this song - 

Ex-Boyfriend:

You cheating skanka-bite

Boyfriend:

Hey I'm filming here! Anyways... I hope this makes you happy

(First Try)

Boyfriend:

I love your hair, your smile, your clothes

Ex-boyfriend:

I love your FAT, abnormally LARGE toes!

(Stop)

Boyfriend:

SHUT UP! YOUR RUINING THE VIDEO!

Ex-Boyfriend:

Scoot over! Yeah, yeah you remember me? Well, you should! Cause you took my heart out and shoved it down my oesophagus. Yeah, well you should have remembered that! Ok? You cheated on me, with my very own brother over here, you JERK!

Boyfriend:

Let it go dude! Ok? And that was like, three months ago. I'm trying to film something.

Ex-Boyfriend:

Fine! But I'm not moving.

(Second Try)

Boyfriend:

I love your hair, your smile, your clothes

Ex-Boyfriend:

I love your cankles and your elephant nose

Boyfriend:

I love your freckles and your eyes

Ex-boyfriend:

Don't forget about her thunder thighs

Boyfriend:

Girl, did it hurt when you fell from heaven

Ex-Boyfriend:

It hurt, she landed on her face

Boyfriend

Girl, I need to put you on my "to do list"

Ex-Boyfriend:

Or my hit list, whichever really works

Boyfriend:

If you were a booger I'd pick you first

Ex-Boyfriend:

Well I'd lick you first

(Stop)

Boyfriend:

What? That's so wrong! That's disgusting!

Ex-Boyfriend:

I would lick her, as in I would punch her IN THE FACE! Might make you look prettier.

(Continue)

Both:

Girl, you're everything I (don't) want

You're everything I (don't) need

Without you I can barely (finally) breath

Ex-Boyfriend:

You're so fat

You got arrested at the airport for 10 pounds of crack

Not even Clinton would sleep with you

When trucks back up they beep like you

And no one wants to be with you

I never want to see you again

You're like the elephant man

It looks like you seriously stopped a van with your face

Boyfriend:

Your face is like the sun

Ex-Boyfriend:

Yep, it burns my retinas

Boyfriend:

You have beautiful puppy dog eyes

Ex-Boyfriend:

Maybe you should go to the vet

Ex-Boyfriend:

You smell like a pig and you look like a fish

If you were a cow I'd put you right on a dish

You're crazy like a monkey you belong in a zoo

If you were a horse I'd turn you right into glue

Boyfriend:

Your eyes are like a pond in which the fish of beauty swim

Ex-Boyfriend:

You have a mustache like my dads, you really need a trim

Both:

All I really wanted to say

Is I love (hate) you

Ex-Boyfriend:

I hope you die you stupid b***h!