The Good And The Bad

+|Five|-

+|Joey|-

"After he grabbed her, he took her into her bedroom. I sat there with my siblings on the couch, turning up the volume on the TV. They didn't need to be hearing that shit. It became a regular thing, weekly. Half the time I swear to God I was gonna blow out our fucking ear drums by how loud I had the fucking TV," Ryder raised the blunt to his lips and inhaled.

"You guys can't stay there," I was mortified by the verbal horror flying into my ears.

Ryder snickered, "Not much of a choice. Like I told you, no family and definitely no money for a hotel or anywhere to go."

"There has to be something."

"There's not," Ryder offered me his blunt, passing it in my direction.

I shook my head lightly and held up my hand, politely declining. I felt for him, I really did. I felt for his mom and his siblings. This constant reminder of the trauma was haunting them and they did not deserve that. I could not even imagine how Ryder's mom must have been feeling, being the primary holder of the trauma. I wanted to help them so badly, but there was not exactly much I could do. If I told the asshole cop I'm unfortunately related to, I would have been asked this large quantity of nosy questions like how I know Ryder and his family, not to mention the curiosity of why I was informed of something so personal. I could have told Mom at the time, the online counselor, but then it just goes back to what could she have really done? I mean, she could have provided them with counseling sessions, but a place to stay is not what she had the ability to offer.

Ryder started with a sigh, "The amount of times I've tried to get out of this shithole town by myself, I'd need to grow about 10 more hands to count on my fingers. As much as my siblings piss me off, they don't deserve this, so I always come back, for my mom, too."

"You don't deserve any of this either," I told him truthfully.

"It is what it is," Ryder leaned back and took another hit off the blunt. Weed seems to be his go-to for coping.

"Ryder."

"It's true," He shrugged, "Got plans later?"

"No, do you need help with any new work?" I asked, noticing that he was hinting to wanting the subject changed, which I respected.

"Eh, not a priority."

"Kind of is," I laughed lightly.

"Whatever, wanna go do something?" Ryder asked.

I nod in approval of the offer, "Sure."

"If it's better to meet me down the street from your house so your dad doesn't see we can do that," He...cares? I know that sounds bad, Ryder just did not strike me as one to take other's feelings and home lives into consideration. Again, I know that sounds bad.

"Um, yeah actually that'd probably be good, thanks," I answered, knowing that it was always better to be safe than sorry when there was the possibility of my dad seeing me get on Ryder's bike.

"Cool, I'll text you," He left the bathroom afterward, unintentionally leaving me with the thought of him.

The thought of him, it was so intoxicating, still is to this day. He was the bad boy-rebel-punk character in the movie, and I was drawn to him. It sounds kind of corny, I'm aware, but that is the most accurate description of High School Ryder Blakeman. I was the quiet kid who lived with his headphones in, kept to himself and his studies, and typically stayed far away from people like him. His friends were just like him, of course, same character traits and all. They ripped on him so hard for needing a tutor. How do I know that? Simple, I was told. I get that people who get tutored may not talk about it like it is the topic of the hour, however it is not the end of the world and does not make someone less intelligent. Sometimes you need a hand, so what? Help is not an enemy. When the dismissal bell blared through the halls, I took off for the bus. I was looking forward to hanging out with Ryder and getting out of the house. I was not always cooped up in the house, but on a regular occasion. Even with my father having the career he did, working long hours, he still kept a close eye on me, making sure I was staying out of trouble. The last thing I would ever be back then was a troublemaker. I was not some goody-goody nerd, but I was not Ryder. I do not mean that as an insult to him, but who he was and who I was were complete polar opposites. The bus ride home seemed longer than usual that day. I suspected it was the anticipation of seeing Ryder later that night, of course it was. I texted him around 6:30 PM, seeing what he was up to. He had replied back fairly quickly to let me know he would be heading my way shortly. I knew he had to handle family matters that required his attention. He may have had a care-free attitude to most situations in life, however when it came to family, Ryder had a different persona. Especially for the ungodly events that had been going on with his uncle, I understood why Ryder needed to make sure things would be okay with his mom and siblings before he left the house. He texted me around 7:15 PM that he was down by the bus stop, just down the street from where my house was. I let Mom know I was hanging out with a friend before I left. I wore my white sneakers with faded blue jeans and a plain black hoodie, casual. As I began my walk to the bus stop, I could feel that familiar feeling of anticipation and nervous butterflies. Back then I remember asking myself what the hell was wrong with me as I had never experienced feelings like that. Now I know, High School Joey Lagner was experiencing first-love feelings. Ryder's image became clearer as I got closer. He was wearing a black denim jacket with a dark heather gray hoodie,dark jeans and black sneakers. He was wearing a necklace of some kind. I had never seen it before. He was balanced on his bike, that bike contributed to my adrenaline high I really fucking could not get enough of. His eyes perked up from his phone once I was within clear eyeshot.