Chapter 3-Kenna

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"What. The. Fuck ?"

I can't believe what my eyes are seeing.

I mean, Felice has taken me to some seriously fucked up shit before.

Last year, she read in some French fashion magazine, that sticking your feet in a pool full of eels was like, the best pedicure ever. It cost $1000. I shit you not. A grand. For some slimy sea snakes to chew on your feet.

Of course, there were zero places in the US where you could find this groundbreaking procedure, so we had to fly to Toronto.

That's right. Canada.

One thing I learned about Felice is that once she has a bug up her ass about something, you cannot shake her from it. You could show her factual, empirical evidence that what she is talking about is complete bullshit and she will not believe you. Gandhi himself cannot shake her from any path she is hellbent on. So yeah we go to CANADA for a pedicure (rich people are so damn strange) and have eels nibble on our feet, while we sit on squishy chairs and eat petit fours and sip tea. That might be on my top ten list of the most disgusting things that I have ever been through, hands down. The nasty infection and sickening smell that stuck in my nostrils and traveled with us back to the States didn't help matters. I didn't talk to her for two days after that one. Stacey took a week to get over it and swears to this day that she still has nightmares.

Felice is my girl. Like hands down, ace to the end, sister from another mister. Yeah, she is batshit crazy, but that's what I dig about her. She owns her crazy. She sat through getting stung by bees because some celebrity said it helped with her acne or something. No Felice doesn't have acne, but you can see where I'm going with this. She is always looking for a way to make herself prettier, calmer, smarter. She will try anything once. I agree to all of her schemes because someone has to look out for her. Plus like I said-sisters.

So when she told me there was a new class that was about women empowerment and "releasing your inner genius" I promised that I would go with her. I never know where my next idea or inspiration is going to come from so, I called up Stacey to join us (because no way am I doing this with Felice alone).

Stacey was running behind, as usual, so we are late getting to the convention center. When we signed in up front, they handed the three of us gold colored wristbands and a questionnaire. There are signs all over the place with sayings like "Inner Goddess" "Released Power" "Your Best Work Ever" etc. Gauzy gold curtains framed all the signs, and there is elevator music playing softly. Oddly there are quite a few men here. I'm all for men supporting women and leaning in and all that, so I try not to look too much into it.

"There are a lot of men here," Stacey whispers to me. Damn. I look over at her, and she has a slightly worried look on her face. Stacey hasn't been on board with every ride of Felice's Crazy Train, but she has been on enough to be wary. Before I can answer, we are ushered into a large hall on our left.

The room is packed so we take the last few seats in the back. Felice and Stacey start furiously filling out the questionnaire as I look around the room. Everyone seems to be enraptured by a blonde woman on stage dressed in all white with a loose top, flowing pants, and a mic headset. She's pacing both back and forth and pointing at people in the crowd. I focus on what she is saying, and I see a lot of people taking notes. Because we were so late, we only catch the tail end of her speech.

"So as we move into the next phase of releasing your inner Powers, remember that the only barrier to tapping into the limitless pathways of your mind is your ties to the strictures of society. Don't let the waves of uncertainty drown you. Embrace your future!" Applause thunders through the hall, and everyone stands. "Please proceed to the main stage for the next phase of your journey."

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