i still remember holding your hand for the first time and knowing it would hurt to let go, but i don't think you felt it because you turned into a ghost. i sat on the beach while you were gone, wishing you were with me and i felt the waves tickle my feet as i watched the sunset, praying you were thinking of me. but i thought it was selfish, to want to be wanted, so i started spending my days inside and telling my younger cousins never to fall in love. those words would die with me, i never got to tell you how i felt, i just called myself stupid for thinking you would ever live up to your words. i always carried a sea in my eyes, and cursed your name for sacrificing me at your altar and leaving me for dead. my father left when i was eleven and my mother never said 'i love you'. i've never been in a love that didn't hurt, i've always been afraid but i trusted you enough when i shouldn't have because loving you is a noose and i was ready for death.
