It all happened so quickly the day it happened, thinking back it all still seems like a big blur. I had just talked to him just minutes before it happened never knowing it would be the last time I was ever going to hear his voice again.
I had been trying to call my Matt a lot of times without luck that day, I was off from work and had taken yet another negative pregnancy test, it started to feel impossible to ever catch the dream of a family together, we had only been trying for half a year but every time I took a negative test it completely shot me down. I could always tell it was also upsetting Matt but he would never show it, he would just hold me tight and tell me it would happen someday, he always knew just how to make me feel better and sometimes it felt like he would jump through hoops just to make me smile. Finally the phone rang and I answered it “Hello?” “I am so sorry I haven't been by my phone all day, but I am on my way home now and I will be there soon...” “Okay..” “What's wrong Jennybean?” he could always tell when something was wrong, I guess it was kind of an easy one this time though “I took the test today..” there was a little silence before he finally spoke “Ohh I am sorry Jennybean, we'll figure this out I promise! I'll be home in like 20 minutes and we'll talk about it okay?” “Okay..” I was about to hang up when he spoke again “Hey.. Everything will work itself out you'll see..” “Mmm..” I sighed trying to fight the tears “I love you Jen” “Love you to baby”. I guess I should be thankful that the last words we said to each other was I love you, not everyone gets that, but honestly I couldn't care less what words were spoken because none of that changes what happened after. I went to take a long hot shower to make myself feel better before he got home, he didn't deserve to come home to me being upset every time we failed at getting pregnant. When I got out the phone rang and I ran over to grab it thinking it was probably him again, but it wasn't. I can hardly remember the call, how they told me, what they said, all I remember is a female voice telling me about Matts accident and I needed to come to his hospital. When I went there they had already called his death, and I had to go in and identify him. He looked so peaceful laying there in the hospital bed, he looked like he was just sleeping, there were no bruises to be seen on his face at all. I remember thinking they made a mistake, he wasn't dead at all just sleeping, but then I touched his hand, his skin was so cold and no movement. They told me he was just coming from the florist and a drunk driver ran a red light right into him, the driver survived. Wait the florist? What was he doing there? They had collected all his things in a little bag and someone had saved 3 red roses from the car, the only flowers that survived. I sat down on the floor in the hall with his things and the roses not knowing what to do with anything. Then it hit me, it was my fault, he had gone to get the flowers to cheer me up! If I hadn't called him and told him and just waited till he got home, nothing would have happened. I was to blame for this. I killed my husband!
