This, is my opinion on myself. I don't want people... worrying for me, messaging me asking if I'm okay and so on. This is just to... get things off of my chest. Things I don't talk about.
I'm gon' be 100% honest with you all here, as mentioned prior. This, is my opinion on myself.
I, personally think I'm a selfish fuck up, I'll be brutal about this. I can't see one small ounce of good inside myself. I mean... if you saw what I just did, you'd see why. I'm dysfunctional for fuck sake. I can't keep at least one of my emotions in check. I literally just lost my shit at someone, and the next I'm all sad. I go from angry to sad within seconds. My emotions are all over the fucking place. And... it affects me so much...
She knows. She... she had to go through watching my and my anger... and then watched as it swapped to sadness. Watched as... I had lost control and couldn't get it back... I'm still not certain I have it back...
I also, can not make someone feel better for shit. Like... I can't lighten a subject to save my bloody life. I wish I was good enough at it to actually help people on here... all I do is make things worse after all.
But... to be honest, I don't aspire to be like just those who are kind. I want to be like two people.
thatdrawingal654321
And
Kawaii_Kitty_Queen
These two, are bloody amazing. Both extremely kind, both incredibly selfless, generous, understanding and the list just goes on. I love them both to bloody bits. I would do anything for them. And yet... I take them for granted most of the time. I don't thank them for helping me out of my pain... I don't... think to ask about them, if they have a problem or not and so on. I want to apologise, you two. I'm sorry I'm not as good as you two at helping in these situations.
Sorry for this, wasting your time.
