Monster

Last Chapter

 I was broken.
        Utterly crushed--nothing could heal me now. No medicine could cure this fire of one million suns burning through me every breath I took, every image that flashed before my eyes, every heartbeat that rocked my body.
        I couldn't bear to say his name. To think it, even. To picture his lovely, angelic face and his crimson blood-red eyes and his pale cheekbones with the scar on one side and his midnight hair that brushed my forehead when we kissed.
        I let out a sob--silent or out loud I don't know. Charlie looked back at me from the drivers seat, regret and sorrow etched into the lines on his face. Tidal waves crashed into me as I watched meaningless buildings flash by. Rain pelted the window and for a moment I considered opening the car door and flinging myself out into the rain so that I could be washed away.
        But I didn't want to die.
        I just wanted to be numb.
        There were razors in my mind, all over, and they were cutting deeper every time I thought of HIM. Ale--
        I can't say it.

        For weeks I am like this. I sit in a drab room, and go to a drab therapist. I haven't said a word to her, and she isn't helping anything by writing notes in her stupid book.
        I punch three walls while I am here. Four windows break. I scream so loudly that I wake the guards up.
        I don't even know where here is.
        All I know is that A isn't here with me, and never will be. Slowly I ebb into thinking his name; then saying it.
        "A--alex. Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex. I love you."
        It comes in sobs, but I say it. I repeat it until I know it is true all over again.
        I get flowers, letters, from people thanking me for my kind deeds. How I ended it all, and it's over.
        But why does it have to be over? It can't be over, not without him. Not without Alex.
        I refuse to do anything. I nearly stop eating--salads and water is what I live on. I won't go outside during the day. I stop caring about everything except hanging onto the last details of his face, the last details that make up my Alex.
        Finally Charlie comes in and sits on my bed. He stays there for a while, letting my presence sink in. Then he speaks.
        "What do you suppose we do?"
        He wants to make me better.
        I know what will make me better.
        Just thinking it I start to cry. I take his hand and maneuver him through the halls, to a very special room filled with white, white, white sterile silver things. It smells like antiseptic. I retch, but nothing comes up.
        I sit myself in the cushioned chair, the leather sticking to my feverish, pale skin. I breath in the smells of death, of cleanliness, of torture. Of my life, my being, my reason on this Earth.
        I relax my head back and look up into the light above me. I imagine Alex is at the other end of it, smiling, with open arms.
        I know he is not.
        The place I am going is not the end--Alex will not be there. Where I am going is better. It is a fresh start.
        A chance at a new life, untouched by this one. Unscarred, new, beautiful life. My name will not be Drew. I will not have red eyes. I will be normal. I will have a mother and a father. I won't know Alex, or Monsters, or Dr. Nile. Closing my eyes, I smile.
        "Erase it. Erase it all."

EPILOGUE

        I see light. Everywhere. It is truly beautiful. It surrounds me, cushions me, keeps me warm.
        I can feel things ebbing away as I think. I don't know anything--who am I? Where do I live? What is my name?
        These thoughts flood me, and for a moment I am in panic.
        But then something calms me.
        It is a name.
        It's an average name, without anything fancy, but I can grasp it...just barely. I feel it slipping away now, along with everything else.
        A.
        Alex.
        That is the name.
        But then it is gone, lost in the tidal wave of whiteness that is drowning me. I want that name. I want him.
        But then it is all gone.
        I am fine.
        The waters have come to a still. In the distance, I hear a voice.
        "Emily? Emily, are you there?"
        It's calling to me, and it sounds oddly familiar. I like that voice. I follow it. Maybe it will lead me someplace beautiful, like that name. I smile.
        The whiteness fades away.
        I am happy.

**********************

        Starting over is hard, but my good looks make it easier. I have friends now. We laugh, we joke, we play video games after parties and make girls swoon because we feel like it. If you saw me in a crowd, you wouldn't know who I was. You would think that I'm just a normal, hormonal seventeen year old boy who doesn't understand how the world works.
        You wouldn't think that I have to hide from fireworks exploding, or skip dissection day in science class. You wouldn't realize that the scar on my cheek isn't from some childish accident. You wouldn't know that a year ago, I threw myself off of a bridge because everything that I loved in life was gone.
        I survived, of course. Here I am now.
        I'm not the same person.
        And I've tried so hard to forget her. I can't think of her; because then it starts to break down. I start to loose control. I won't loose control; never again.
        Now I am a normal person; who does normal things; who isn't a Monster. Soon I'll be a senior in high school; and after that I don't know what. Maybe I'll become a farmer, or travel the world, or become famous. One day I'll truly stop searching for her, and forget completely.
        I realize as I'm walking to my car that it has been exactly a year now. On this date, I was ripped from her. They told me she was dead; that they were so terribly sorry and that I shouldn't ask questions.
        But I know she is not dead.
        I can feel her there, somewhere--we are connected, her and I, no matter how far apart we may be.
        Then I glance up, to the bushes that hold the bike rack.
        For a moment, I believe in a god.
        There she is.
        Beautiful, intense, her eyes no longer crimson and her skin no longer scarred. Her smile so genuine. Her eyes absent of the sorrow that once filled them. My eyes water, my voice chokes. I can't move.
        "Drew!" I call out--the name is scratchy. I haven't said it in a year. She doesn't hear me, and keeps talking to her blonde friend--laughing, happy.
        I start walking. Closer, closer, my heart pounding so hard that it hurts. My eyes are watering, I walked up to her. She smells like citrus and something sweet--not like she used to. She used to smell like vanilla and blood.
        "Drew?" I say, my voice stronger this time. She turns toward me as I falter, seeing something wrong in her eyes. She doesn't know me. She doesn't remember.
        "Um--I'm sorry, but I don't know you. My name is Emily," she grinned, extending her hand to shake. I shake my head, memories breaking my carefully built walls.
        Drew and I laughing.
        Drew and I crying.
        Drew and I kissing.
        "I fucking love you, Alex."
        Her red eyes.
        Her scars, as I kissed every single one.
        Tears threatened to pour out my eyes. I hadn't shook her hand yet; so I took it. It was cold. I smiled feverishly.
        "I--my name is Alex," I choked out. She cocked her head to the side. Recognition flashed behind her golden eyes.
        "That's a beautiful name. It sounds familiar," she laughed. "Nice meeting you, Alex."
        I nodded to her and turned around. I made it to my car before sobbing uncontrollably, tears stinging down my face, and I tilted my head back. I let them roll down, forever, as I drove out of the parking lot with white knuckles clenched around the steering wheel.
        I went to my home and packed my bags, bought a ticket to the place farthest from here and then got into my car and drove. I zipped down the highway, memories flooding me.
        It physically hurt to be driving away from the girl I love.
        My heart was tearing in two all over again.
        But this new Drew--Emily--was happy. She was content. She was living, amazing, and I was the only thing left from her true past. Her sad, depressing, terrible past.
        I didn't want to bring her down anymore. She has so much potential, still. She shouldn't have to remember what happened just a year ago. She shouldn't have to rethink her whole life for the second time.
        Her new life was a beautiful piece of fruit. I was the one rotten part that ruined it all. She needed to cut me off. I told myself this as I drove faster.
        Away.
        Away.
        Away.
        Somewhere, I heard her calling my name.
        But that was the old Drew.
        I let go of the steering wheel.
        I watched the things flash by, the buildings, the flowers, all beautiful life. I saw the sun set with a flash of familiar red.
        There was a scream.
        And I forgot her face.

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A/N

Ok, that was officially the LAST CHAPTER OF MONSTER!

I know that I left so so so many things unresolved, but this story was going to nowhere, so I decided to write an ending and finish it up. I hope you enjoyed!