On the Run

Chapter 23 : Sinking It In?

11:30 am, near Thivim Train Station, Goa.

I had no idea for how long I sat on the street bawling my eyes out. The pain I felt due to his insulting words refused to abate! I had this nagging ache at the centre of my chest that just declined to leave me! I felt betrayed and used-just like a piece of trash! How could he do this? I trusted him- trusted him in spite of what he did to me, and this is what I got in return? Aiyappa, why was I so naïve and gullible? I got swept up in his sweet words so easily!

How could I let this happen? I believed everything he told me...I promised to help him as best as I could but he was just pretending to care about me to have his revenge! How could he be so heartless and cruel?

And to think that I was going to confess my feelings to him today! How could I ever think that Manik Malhotra could love a 'nobody' like me? All the compliments and praises I had received from him suddenly seemed to sicken me because he must have meant none of what he had said!

I had let him kiss me! For him, it might have been an everyday occurrence, but it was a really big deal for me! I trusted him with my fragile heart and he broke it into a million pieces!

I didn't trust my own judgement any longer! I had lost faith in myself! I followed my heart and it had landed me in the worst possible situation!

Manik was right! I was a fool! Being a scientist, I only believed in proven facts. Aur aise kahan likha hain ki meri mom ki fireflies theory correct hain?

But the worst part was, I still couldn't hate him after what he did to me! No matter how hard I tried! I could pretend all I wanted, but the truth was- I still loved him! I still felt butterflies in my stomach when I thought of him! And I hated myself for feeling this way! I was disgusted with my own emotions!

I had been living in my own bubble for so long that I had forgotten where my priorities laid. If Manik had truly leaked such horrible news to the media, then not only me but Chacha-Chachi would also be disgraced in the eyes of the public!

How could I be so selfish? I was sure that they were doing everything in their power to find me. I remembered how worried Chachi sounded on the phone when I had called her! I could only imagine their shock when they'd hear today's news headlines!

Would they ever forgive me? They had showered me with so much affection ever since I was a child...they had always treated me like their own daughter, but the mistake I had made didn't seem worthy of forgiveness! Why should they have to pay for my stupidity?

Aiyappa, please don't let them hate me! What would I even do without them?

I saw a bunch of cars pass by and the passengers in the vehicles glanced at me, puzzled at my desolate condition.

No! I couldn't fall weak like this! I had to be stonger than this! I couldn't abandon my family when they needed me!

I finally decided to head back home. I had to try and explain the situation to Chacha-Chachi! Even though they'd probably be angry, maybe they would eventually understand me!

I won't break-Manik Malhotra! I won't let you have that much power over me!

I finally got up from the street and started walking towards the train station which according to the sign board in front of me, was merely a hundred meters away from where he had dropped me.

It took me a few minutes to reach the station, but it was a reasonably short walk.

I immediately entered the busy station and looked for the train schedule. I had to take the next available train to Bangalore and reach home as soon as possible. I had to explain my side of the story before it was too late!