I hate pretending to be someone I'm not. It's like living in a life full of lies. Being someone who is not really me. People keep looking at me and they see a staight girl. But they're the ones who are not looking straight. This is a diary of my cruel life that I'm living in where fantasies and magic don't work, which is called reality. It will consist mostly of relationships and romance, and probably other life problems that might occur in my life. Mostly, it's about bisexuality and how that relates to me.
It all started with confusion. I couldn't figure out why I liked both boys AND girls. Infact, I didn't know that gay even existed and that it was possible to like both genders. I was still young and inexperienced so I didn't know how to handle the pressure. That was when I grew and hit puberty. I had straight relationships before too. My feelings for boys grew, but also my feelings for girls. When I was thirteen, I fell hard in like with someone. There were many, infact ALOT of pretty girls around me so I might've as well liked a few as I grew of age.
She was my bestfriend and we were in the same class. She was my coming out story.
So, how did I tell her? She didn't figure it out but infact I confested my story. It was all cliche because I felt unusual when I'm around her, the tummyaches? Yeah, I got those. I was a very sentimental person when I was thirteen. I like writing poetry and letters and they were mostly about her. One day, she asked me who I was refering to in my writings. She kept on guessing many boys' names and I said no to each of them. Then, she started stating girls' names and she teased me, until she got to her name. I hesitated a no because I didn't want her to know that I was who I was and that I was afraid I might scared her, which it happened. It was a Facebook chat (big cheers to Mark Zuckerberg) and the both of us were chatting. That was when I finally told her that the person I referred to was her. At first she denied it until she stopped chatting me back.
The next day, she was strong enough to hide it. She acted like everything was okay. When we walked together back to class, she finally brought it up. She said, "I don't want things to be awkward between us and that I think we should be friends. I know that you're like that, but you can't think of me that way." I replied, "Yeah, okay," but everything wasn't fine. She probably couldn't handle the pressure because she told one of her friends who was also my best friend about the fact that I liked her. Her friend couldn't believe it as well and she was scared so kept her distance from me. It was sad because she was my best friend and I really wanted to keep things straight between the both of us but it was impossible. I ended up our friendship and we parted our ways.
It scared me to death loosing my friends just because I told them I liked them. I was so scared of making new friends and that I'm afraid I might fall hard for another one. But still at that moment, I still had many things to learn.
I will keep on writing more about my past stories because it's kind of interesting and that I want to share it with all of you. I'm still in the process of coming out so I don't want anyone to figure out who I am because it's dangerous for people to know me. Don't be scared if you have. If my family knows about the fact that I'm bi, they might change me in awfully many kinds of ways, and I mean spiritually and that scares me, alot.
Tell me what you think about my diary. Give me some positive feedback. I'm still new at this so no hate.
