I continue to gather my forest of thoughts as I drive myself down to the small coffee shop.
I think about Ty. And work. And somehow the unfamiliar face from the coffee shop slithers his way into my mind.
As multi-coloured cars pass me, whizzing by, I forget about the pair of blue eyes from the coffee shop, and retrieve thoughts of last night.
I am not scared of Tyler. I love him, or did love him. I just don't know what happened, and probably never will. The two of us have known each other since high school, but after high school we kept in touch. Then by the time we had both decided what was going on with us, we became an item. Everyone always said it would happen, eventually. And I guess their assumptions were correct.
My car pulls up in the staff section of the parking lot. I grab my backpack and stretch, preparing myself for the day, both mentally and physically.
The second I walk through the door, my best friend is looking curiously in my direction.
"What the hell happened to you?" Kayleigh questions, raising an eyebrow.
"Tyler was in a crappy mood last night." Is all I have to reply.
"Oh. Well we don't start until another 15. Lets grab a coffee? Shall we?" It was Kayleigh's way of telling me we needed to talk.
***
As I stirred my ice cap, I stared out the window. Kayleigh hummed to herself quietly, trying to lighten the dark mood.
"Spill." She finally told me.
"Kayleigh, I just don't know where to start. It's like my head is up my ass. Literally, my life is shitty." I sigh.
"Listen to me. Tyler is a douche. Yea, he was nice to begin with. I get it. But after two years of this bs, I don't think he's worth it anymore. He treats you like shit, drinks every night, and hardly makes it to work on time." My best friend reminds me.
"What am I supposed to do?" I put my head in my hands.
"Ditch him." She simply states. "I mean you pay for the apartment, kick him out." She sips her coffee.
My no reply must bother her.
"Ashton, you work too damn hard to be supporting a pain in the ass, cocksucking, freeloader. Let him go. He ain't worth it." She tries to knowledge me with things I already know. The possiblilities sinking their way into the burrows of my head.
"He never even says 'I love you' anymore. I dont know how all this just crashed. I swear to god, I must have some sort of bad karma following me." I sigh in frustration.
I concentrate on the whip cream in my coffee melting away. It's inconspicuious meaning does nothing to alter my choices.
Kayleigh stares my way, her eyes so blue I could drown in them.
I stand up, leaving my coffee on the table. My head aches and it's only 9:30.
I blend cappuccinos and lattes all day. I'm ready for bed, I think to myself. A yawn concludes my thoughts.
There is a man and a child sitting in the corner of the shop. Laughing and having a grande old time, they look genuinely happy. It's nice to see that, but right now it makes me sick.
My life before Tyler wasn't the best. But it was better then some. I started school in a little town called Nova. Just on the edge of Lake Superior. Yup. Born and raised Canadian. My dad had a full time job working at the local mine as a contract welder. My mom, was a stay at home mom. She took care of my younger brother and sister as well as me. I was living the good life.. up until I was 8 I had the best little family. My parents were approaching their 11th year anniversary, and my siblings, just toddlers at the time, were happy; I was happy.
April 12th 2003.
The day I lost my sanity.
Another driver lost control of their vehicle and crashed into my moms car, killing her instantly.
I cant really picture that day as well as I used to, but I remember the phone ringing and my dad picking it up.. It was supposed to be his day off, we were all going to go to the park. He burst into tears, absolutley broken. He called my grandma to come watch us for the night. No one told me anything, not until a couple days later.
My dad became distant. He was nothing without my mother. I was 8, and sad. But as a little girl I got over it. I forgot almost.
I went through evrything by myself. It was like my dad wasnt even there anymore. He practically quit his job, and couldn't pay bills anymore. My grandma came and took us away. Since then I never spoke to my dad. Right now I dont even know where he is.
I still keep in touch with my younger sister Cali, and brother Gavin. Their lives are un touched. They were not old enough to know my mom and dad. So our granda is all we have left. But she is getting to the age of terrible things.
Tyler was my only was out. He knew everything, he was my best friend.
How can I let that go?
