Eifersucht #paulchard

Chapter eight

May 5, 2001

09:03 am 

 / Paul POV \ 

 It's been 5 years. 5 fucking year. That I do not go back from my abyss, that I did not have Richard just for me. We laugh on stage certainly, but once in real life, nothing. He hardly looks at me, our eyes were crossed I'm sure, less than 10 times. I miss him. Do you still want me? I do not know. I do not know anything, I make believe that everything is fine but everything has gotten worse, since he his distant. But today I am going to change things. I'm sure. 

 Midnight. 

 I spent the night in a ball in my bed, I thought all day to what I was going to send him as a message. And finally, I had an idea. 

 "Richard, does that tell you to come home? I need to talk to you, it's urgent. " 

 No answer. I use my pillow, staring at the starry night through the window. 

 Beep beep. 

 "I'm coming, is it serious? " 

 I take a deep breath.

 "Let's say it's important to me. "

 I'm waiting, the minutes seemed like hours. Then there was a knock on my door. I went down the stairs, and opened the door, I had spent the day in pajamas.

 "Oh, pretty outfit. " 

 " Shut up. "

 I let him in, he had to bring food, or had he found food at this hour? We sat down on the couch, Richard lit a cigarette, I brought him a glass as an ashtray. He looked at the messy house, the dishes not done, the bottles of alcohol in evidence. He sighed.

 "Did you dive again? "

 I did not answer, I avoided his look. He looked up to heaven. Then he went on

 "Why are you invited me at such an hour, what's wrong? " 

 I struggled to get the words out of my mouth, as if stuck in my throat, and spanked badly. 

 "If I invited you, it's to talk about us. " 

 He looked at me as if he did not expect that.

 "I know I did a stupid thing, I could never forgive myself, but I was drunk. And my feelings have not changed for you since the first day I saw you. I miss you Reesh. "

 A long silence settled on my chair I was playing with my hands, embarrassed, then Reesh broke the silence. 

 "Paul, the past is the past we can not do anything. You have apologized millions of times, but it will not change anything. All this is finished. "

 My heart broke in two, I could not believe him to hear that. 

 "Reesh, please listen to me .."

 "Shut up Paul, I'm leaving. "

 He got up, I got up after him, I could not let things leave that way, never again. He went out the door and entered his car, I burst into tears on the landing. I watched as his car drove away with a broken heart. I went back into the house, I could not take it anymore. I tried to send him messages, no answers, I called him, no answer. 

 No Reesh you could not leave me like this,

 Not again.