Trench Coats and Jumpers- a Johnlock fanfiction

Chapter 4-Forgiveness and Understanding

 AUTHOR'S NOTE: Don't cry...don't cry. Dang it ! I made myself cry...

Sherlock awoke from his dream to the smell of his favorite tea. Sniffing the air, he opened his eyes and stretched. He looked at his chest to see John was no longer there. With a sigh, he stood up and walked to the kitchen stretching. "Morning Sherlock! Glad to see you're finally up!", John chirped as he handed Sherlock a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits.

"Shouldn't I be the one taking care of you?", Sherlock inquired.

"Well I wouldn't want you to hurt your poor little toe anymore", he teased. 

"Oh, for crying out loud you had a bloody building dropped on you! But here you are, making me breakfast when I should be making it for you."

"I didn't want to wake you and besides, I don't mind."

"I do. I am supposed to take care of you. Not be the one taken care of."

"Oh please. Don't treat me like a child Sherlock! I can take care of myself. I was doing so before I met you and I was doing just fine", John was beginning to become agitated with Sherlock.

"Don't you dare act like everything was fine! I know what happened to you after you came home! You were depressed! Lonely! Broken! You had no one! Every day you woke up feeling like you didn't do enough for your home! I know all of this John!", Sherlock shouted.

"You listen to me Sherlock..", John began as he tried to steady his breath. 

"No John you listen to me! You were on the verge of taking your own life! I saved you, don't you see it!? Without me you'd most likely be dead!"

"I was nearly dead last week because I'm still with you!", John scoffed as hot tears threatened to flow. He choked them back. 

"I told you not to go! But you went anyway and you know why? Because no matter how hard you try to escape being the soldier hero, you can't! You were born to be a soldier! A warrior! A fighter! But after you came home you tried to escape it! You can't! That's why I took you! To help you embrace the face that you're a soldier John!"

"Maybe I don't want to be a soldier anymore!", John shouted as tears began to blur his vision. "Maybe I just want a normal life for once! Don't you understand the simple fact that maybe I want to live a normal life?! No you don't! I have been fighting my own battle inside my head for years! No one helped me! I was alone! I still am!", he sobbed as tears began to roll down his face. He choked back any more.

"You are not alone...", Sherlock said quietly. He had a dark secret he's never told anyone and now...he has no choice. With a shuddered sigh, Sherlock rolled up his sleeves, revealing multiple scars among his wrists. He choked out a sob and slow tears flowed down his face. "I was ready to give up too. I wanted to leave. I wanted out so bad. I wanted it to all be over.", he sighed and more tears flowed. "Then, you came. You saved me John. Without you , I probably would no longer exist. That's why I wish to take care of you. I know what it feels like to be so broken that it feels like nothing matters anymore...believe me. So please believe me when I say...you are not alone."

Sherlock looked up from his wrists to face John. John was dumbfounded, shocked, and at a complete loss for words. Tears continued to flow down their faces as they looked at each other. John swallowed hard, taking a large breath. They saw something in each other's faces they've never seen before: Complete and utter understanding. 

It was then that John lost it. He cried and cried, letting out all his emotions. Sherlock walked over to his broken friend, and spread out his arms, offering an embrace. John fell into his arms and continued to sob whispering 'I didn't knows' and 'I'm so sorry Sherlock'. All Sherlock could do was hug his friend dearly as they sat upon the floor, letting out all of the emotion they had bottled up. Sherlock cradled John and rocked back and forth, rubbing his back and running his fingers through his hair. "It's okay John, I understand how you feel. I apologize for not telling you beforehand. All I can ask is that you forgive me and allow me to help you", Sherlock whispered to him.

"I know why you didn't tell me. I know it's hard to admit things like that. And I fully forgive you", John choked out.

They sat there for a few moments longer, allowing one another to calm down and wait for the tears to subside. When the crying became muffled sniffles, then finally to simply shuddered breaths, Sherlock lifted his friend's head gently. He looked into John's beautiful eyes and resisted the urge to cry once more. He tenderly wiped the stray tears from John's face. Looking at Sherlock, John managed a small smile.

'The time is right now...this is your chance', Sherlock's brain and heart whispered.

Sherlock took a deep breath, pulled John closer, and kissed him softly. Sherlock was surprised when John kissed him back passionately, as if wanting it all along. Sherlock ran his fingers through his hair and John pulled him closer. Suddenly, the weight of everything seemed to disappear. All of their worries, all of their broken parts were healed, their loneliness fading into nothing. All that remained was a strong, unbreaking, passionate love for one another. The kiss lasted a bit longer before they slowly broke apart. They watched each other's eyes as they slowly smiled. They gingerly placed their foreheads together and let out a long, relaxing breath.

Everything was going to be just fine...

END OF CHAPTER

Oh look! I'm crying! Ugh, sorry if I made you guys cry too. The next one is way happier I promise. Comment and Vote lovelies!