Atonement

P A R T T H R E E

"So...why?" He glanced over at me as he spoke.

"Why what?"

"Why did you want to walk with me?"

"To tell you the truth, it was getting pretty cold just sitting under that tree with no coat on. I was going to walk anyways, so why not have company?"

"I guess that makes sense. I don't usually talk to strangers."

"Well I'm honored that you made me the exception."

"It's not like I asked you to walk with me." The hostility in his voice was very thinly veiled, but I chose to pretend I couldn't tell.

"No, you're right, I asked you. So, where are we going?"

The look he shot me was almost angry, but he seemed reluctant to tell me to fuck off, which I knew was what he wanted to say. Something made him put up with me.

"I don't know. You're the one who wanted to walk with me. Where do you want to go?"

"Let's just walk then. It will be an adventure." He muttered something under his breath, but continued to walk beside me.

The winter air was crisp and cold, and I found myself trying not to shiver or let my teeth chatter. It would be so much easier to turn back right now. To go back inside the warm college classroom, and pretend I'd never seen Emmett.

"Why did you leave class in a hurry?" He spoke after we had been walking in slings for several minutes.

"Well, to be honest, I was having a panic attack."

He glanced over at me, then looked ahead quickly. The sound of our feet crunching into the snow was all that could be heard as he processed my answer.

"You get those a lot?"

"Only in the last few months." I could tell he wanted to know more, but he wasn't quite ready to stop acting like he didn't care.

The silence continued, and I racked my brains for something to say. I had never been the one to start up conversations with strangers, or to keep the conversation flowing. Joshua had always been much better at that.

"How do you handle them?" His quiet voice broke the silence.

"I don't really think I do." I laughed breathily, running a hand through me hair. "I mean I just run I somewhere where I can be alone. And then I just cry it out, I guess."

He nodded, shoving his hands further into his coat. I shivered. Our feet continued to break new snow beneath us.

"I used to get those a lot. The only way I could ever deal with them was but focusing on my breathing, and counting."

"I'll try that." It felt strange to be giving and receiving tips about panic attacks.

"I dealt with them pretty much all of my school life." We reaches a fork in the walking trail, and I slowed, letting him pick the road for us to follow.

"What triggered them?"

He didn't answer for a minute, looking at me, his breath fanning out before him like smoke.

"Feeling threatened, I guess. Bullying was pretty bad some years."

I nodded in understanding. What else was there to say?

"What about you?"

And now I was faced with the same decision I had just seen him struggling with. I watched our feet in the snow, finding comfort in the steady rhythm of our steps.